Jun 21, 2008
Thought it was just the usual.
But this was different.
Somehow I was crazier than before.
I asked someone.
He said I was just going through
some teenage stuff.
Someone called me crazy.
I needed a psychatrist.
Then someone said that
it was love.
And I was stuck.
I didnt know how to handle it.
I knew how to handle craziness.
But not this.
This was a different kind.
It was madness.
Of a different kind.
Even wen your voice is horrible.
Even if you dont know the steps.
Even during the day.
You are out of your mind.
But you enjoy it.
Every minute of it.
And want to be more crazy.
It has no cure.
And I enjoy every moment of it. :)
This is the sweetest madness I have ever countered.
And I wish they find no cure for it.. ;)
Jun 17, 2008
It has been long since I blogged. not exactly deliberate.. but u know, it just happened that I did not blog. Life is moving on.. not the best. not the worst. but had been better. had been worse.
khair! aise nahi hotha tho life ko life kyu bulaye? So.... Life goes on.. and I guess I love it the way it is.. [not quite sure..]
This time I wud like to tell u abt my college and my relationship with it....
Wen,I was abt to leave my college for a btr oppurtunity,the class mates there,they had been by then attatched to me... [tho it was only 3 weeks I had spent with them.] and a bunch of them asked me not to leave.. The teachers congratulated me,for the achievement. But asked me if I cud continue.. I really liked wat I was doing then [still do..] . But didnt want to lose an oppurtunity like that. So, I said, I will be going.. And they didnt press me again...
Then,my friends there,they asked me wen I will be leaving. I told them the date and was like a bit sad leaving such wonderful ppl. But I thot I was determined. The day before the counselling, the last day at my college, they surprised me with a farewell gift!!! and I tell u,that is wen I felt I was breaking a lot of hearts wen I was leaving. It was a revolving broken red heart. A crack rit in the middle and had perfume being sent out from that crack. It sang a song with lyrics that asked me 'why I thot of leaving.' And then.. I had rethots.. But it was too late to change my decision. The counselling was just a day away. That day, last hour, the principal Sr. Rose Dheera, called me to her cubicle. And asked me if I was determined.[that is wen I knew it was some kind of a college issue, me leaving...] I said, yes somewat. And then,she spoke to me for an hour and at last I said,may be I will rethink abt it n tell u.
I cud not reject the whole college asking me not to leave... it was like I was already bonded to a place where I had just spent some three weeks. The next day, I didnt go for the counselling. I went to the college instead. and it was not an exaggeration, I was greeted with the fervor of a chief guest. And the princy called me to her cubicle to congratulate me on my decision to stay. And it was only later, I came to know, the farewell gift was an idea to keep me bak.. to try n retain me.. My teachers here are just like my didis. They know wat I am and encourage me wen am in need. They scold me [which is more than often..] wen I step out of the line. But still know, I will excel. And guide me.
I like being here. For one, I had a lot of exposure. I met some ppl who have made a mark in my heart, in my professional aims, in my character... I realized my worth. I met my mentor. Realized wat my goal is and is leading me to it. I dont say it is "heaven". It has its own demerits. But, this place really has done something for me,my Alma Mater!!
This is an advice I found useful.. though some parts of it were not exactly acceptable to my moral side..[ I 'censored' them.. :) ]
still thought I wud share it with you..
".....Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind ! you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine. [ me n fat?? huh!! (but 20 yrs from now? god knows!!) ]
Don’t worry about the future; or worryabout anything at all... but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday. [my papa calls me an idiot cos the only thing i worry about is how to keep myself worry-free..][ i tell him i am in a de-stressed(distressed) ;) mood]
Do one thing everyday that scares you [ah!!! that wud be 'toooooo' interesting! ]
Sing [i do that mostly every waking moment of the day.. ]
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours. [this is something i think i ve had flaws in following...but then,u cant say i didnt try..]
Floss [he he.. ]
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself. [too true.. ]
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how. [ buddy,u got to have a bad memory..that is all.. i do. and mostly forget wat others say.. unless on it depended my whole world!! ]
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. [ love letters??? did he not know we have traveled onto the e-mail age? :P and abt bank statements..well,i am sure u will need it for 'further clarifications' ... ]
Stretch [did that just now.. ]
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t. [ah,no wonder i still donno which way to choose,there r three 'ways' before me.. :) to proceed in life..]
Get plenty of calcium. [getting paid for this sandoz ad?? ]
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. [ nvr thot abt that till now.. ]
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. [ there was a part here,that i censored.]
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. [ ]
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. [beauty magz?? wat r they?? ]
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good. [ touched a nerve there.. ]
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future. [sure..the bestest ever siblings were my birthday gifts.. ]
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young. [cant just digest the first part.. 'Understand that friends come and go'..rest is ok..]
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. [ or else,live in new york,then after it makes u hard,go to california. ]
Travel. [sure dude!!! ]
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. [there,he has said something too sensible..i shud show this to my granma.. ]
Respect your elders. 
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85. [ i know i know!! ]
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. [ wha??? !!! .. ]
Trust me!!! [ yeah!rit! ]"
It has been long since I blogged.. not that it had a "wide " readership...[well, it is in the private setting for the time being...] but well, u ppl shud have noticed..
I had an accident and was bedridden and then had some other stuff to attend to and was unable to blog..
Even now,a very troubled time is passing.. my comp crashed somewhere like 3-4 times..my mobile tried "suiciding"...i had to take it to the service center.and that guy has not yet got back to me.[tho it has been a week and i have been tying to get to him and he said he would get to me after he analyses my mob..] he would do it only until i lose my patience.the net connection also had a lot of problems in the mean time.. and then comes my "favorite" problem!! my pg application. it is a mess. I lost 450 indian money in the process...and on the verge of losing another 900 indian monies...and still not sure whether i got that thing reach the centre in time...and then comes a fight with my sis...[well,dont ask me "for wat" we do it frequently..] but this tme she cried.. i dont like that.. cant bear it.. so...that too was a headache.we made up. had to scream at an official cos he was irresponsible. but God help me, he brought 5 officials to do the work, the very next day, after he got a piece of my mind..and i personally messed up my viva. and i spoke my mind to one of my frnds and he turned hostile to me..[not that i now care.. i speak my mind. i cant just keep my thots to myself. if someone has any problems accepting me, it is his prob. let him deal with it.. i am not gonna change..]
But as a friend of mine consoled me,at "0" level, u dont have to worry abt anything.. it can never get worse.only,"better"..
Donno wat makes me blog rit now..i usually blog in notepad and then wen i get online,i just copy and paste it. today i just felt like blogging straight away.. may be cos i am "jobless" for the time being or may be cos i wanted to try this type of blogging out..
As the night is passing by, i feel a sense of idleness.. as the night life gets active,[including me] the diurnal life is getting to sleep..one or two mosquitoes are keeping me company now.- they dont really know that biting me is pretty dangerous.- and one or two cars are wooshing past now and then, in the highway.. i can see them thru the office room's window.. and somewhere some leak is letting water drip in a constant tone.. like a background for the muZic of my typing..a very old mob is lying on my computer table looking like it mit cough up its internal parts anytime..
I am chatting at the other window with a frnd,whose dial up connection is irritating both of us by disconnecting itself frequently..after every three words he has to redial..he usually concerns himself with my future plans and today too he came over to wish me luck for my exams..both of us exchanged big grins after sharing the info that i have an exam day after tomorrow and still am online.finally he gets irritated and curses the connection and tries apologising for a fault that is none of his. and says he wud luv to chat with me with a 'saner' connection.another disconnection and he sends me an offline saying he was surrendering to it.
well, when things r out of ur control, to say that u r surrendering to it,is ridiculous. i mean, there is nothing else u can do abt it...i replied exactly that.
my bro just landed on the chat box. got scolded for being online and not with my books now.. he is insisting i go to get my books. and i think this is the untimely death of this blog entry.
Die my dear Blog!! Die!! It was written in ur Fate..
Jun 10, 2008
pinneedeppzhokkeyo... njan valarnnu..
priyappetta suhruthe, njan ninne marannu..
mazhaye njan pedichu.. karanam athu enikk asugam varuthumennu achan paranju..
janal padikal vrithikedayirikkumennu vishwasichu.. karanam... karanam ellavarum angane vishwasichu...
innippol, veendum nee vannirikkunnu.. ente priyappetta mazhayumaayi..
priyappetta june,njan ninne pranayikkunnu..
Jun 7, 2008
wind can calm me.
but then I am not always calm.
I mean, I get angry often.. ppl run away from it.
today someone said he is ok with me gettin angry.
but wud prefer I wont keep mum.
I always get so upset about tiny things.
especially wen I know I have messed it up.
and there is no way out.
things in the past have no way out.
and I mostly fret about the past.
like some thing's result will be out in 4 days.
something that will decide my destiny.
or the void of my destiny whichever applicable.
well, again, I know I have messed it up.
well, I guess the only thing that can be done is wait.
tho I am really tensed.
well, there are always other options.
the only problem being that I have not thot abt them till now seriously.
anyways, me got to go. will bring on in new blabber, nitwit and oddtweaks later.
Jun 4, 2008
is ringing in my heart.
Heavenly, yet sad.
Not a screech,not a scratch.
But a melody, beautiful and sad.
Loses, pain, failure,
and loses again. .
Shattered dreams, lost relations,
Ah! The Phoenix knows.
And only it does.
But the song, gives me hope.
The hope- that heavens might
open one day,
and take me in.
Or leave me alone!
The Moonlight mourns.
Of not death or of dearth.
But reasons unknown;
or may be known.
But nonetheless, does mourn.
And a song of Phoenix, keeps ringing in my heart.
Why has IITs not produced any miraculous inventer in engineering field?
Wat was God thinking wen he created stupids?
Why do Americans think they rule the world?
Worse,why do the rest of the world think they do it?
Still worse,why do we [Indians ]think we must act like those bl$%^&; Americans rule it?
Every tragedy in ur life,has one common factor in it,u.Why?
Wat happens after death? where do we go?
Why do men think it is difficult to understand women?
Why r lawyers always considered liars?
Why do ppl come to ur life wen they have to go anyways?
Well,a lot more are still with me...may be I will update later... :) not now,I feel lazy now.
A qn b4 I leave,why am I so lazy??;)