just another chat.

disclaimer. - this is an actual dialogue between a random orkutter and me. i am nt political. nor do i have any interest in manmohan or adwani's politics. but i felt somethings [all? ;)] he said, needed a correction. all copy pasted from orkut. he had been monologuing for sometime before i started speaking.. didnt feel the need to copy paste that. and in view of the mumbai attacks, i donno how sad i am.
so yep, here goes the 'chat'.

him : I feels it z too late...Now political parties are make it as wepon for election.They not all caring innocent humens as well as dedicate soldiers.Now media and people are disussing the ways to eleminate terrorism..But tomorow abhayacase or yet another santhosh madhavan/sabarinath will divert their thinikng..As usual media and people enjoye those news forgotting what happened nw in mumbai

me : i beg to differ.
i dont link abhaya or santhosh madhavan to terrorism.
terrorism for ur kind info, is a global threat to a single nation's integrity. not something intra.
media is not enjoying it. it naturally sells more cos of the seriousness of te issue.
politically, adwani and other opposition leaders are not condemning, but rather trying to hold hands and stay united. i appreciate manmohan on that lead. cos, he is a gud diplomat in that case.

and ppl, i donno abt others, i certainly am not enjoyig the news.

him : no yaar...i will diifer and forcing my friens too...
but where the news abt serial blast happned in bangalore and ahammedabad...now noone is talking abt that...Media and whole nation forgot it..As usual it will happen in mubai incident too...People will come to normal life...media go behind another hot news...

Who is dilpomat yaar...Manmohan...really a baffoon...He placed india's power in leg of Bush in case of nuclear deal....What bravery he have done?He signed the deal without discussion in parliament. It is right way from PM of democratic country...then what is significance of SOVEREIGN
SOCIALIST SECULAR[ DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC
In my view he is coward PM ever india had seen...

me : see, if u cud not forget the pain of passing away of someone, u will nvr live on... its nature's gift.
expect the mumbaikars to live on with the pain always??
and media, their dharma is not combating terrorism. but to bring out the daily happenings or sumthing that happened today, to the public. they carry on their work. they dont forget. but cant help something else more imp then, from being published.

hahaha!! see, the nuclear deal may have been a bit down trodden. but the PM's action secured a amiable relation with the America. which any nation wud crave for, given the status it had then.
now, the recession has come but then, it was a big deal, literally. and about discussing in the parliament. well, different political parties wud have reacted differently. and ultimately it wud have ended with walkouts and some internal disturbances. n no sensible decisions. btr something, than nuthing at all..
and if he had been a coward, he wud not have faced the country and its ppl like he did now. he is facing it. not running away or blaming someone else.
well, i hope i got my point across..

him : But in case of nuclear deal,my veiws are tottaly diff.We must have relation with all countries in the world...But what manamohan is doing clear breaking Non-allign policy what Nehru and able leaders followed

me :

times change. and our policies should change accordingly.
the world then, is not the world now.
then, it was all war. face to face. it was better not to hurt oneself by trying to take sides. the leaders then, decided the best. to stay away.
but now, its a power play. make a deal with the 'powerful' and you are powerful. stay away, you are vulnerable.
and with the nuclear deal, we only made a deal with america. we didnt break up with any other nation.
the policy we adopt has to be the one right at the moment.
saamam, bhedam, daanam, dhandam.

My Happy Lore..

After all those things
I had done for her,
my heart ached now,
when I saw her go.

That little child
all healthy and bright,
is a lady lass now,
her bosom so tight.

The days she cried
or the pranks she played,
made me proud
of being a father to her.

I saw her grow,
I saw her learn.
And I pride myself,
now that, I see her go.

The beauty in the veil,
hand in hand with her man,
Oh! I can't hold back them,
my happy tears.
And I have done,
what I can.

After all those things,
I had done for her,
my heart now aches,
When I see her go.

Yes! My child!
Off you go!
Make another man's world,
A happier lore.

PS- Dedicated to the best dad in the world, MINE!!! Love you dad! :)

Just Once More..

Once more you could have smiled at me.
Once more a tight hug.
Once more that little game
of smileys in line.

Once more a smile from your heart.
Once more a soothing one.
Once more a kind word
to take my tears away.

Nothing can change,
nothing will change.
But I will miss you,
and have always been true.

MY Love..

I see my love,
striding past.
Swaying hips
and a melting smile.

Hands clenched on
the silverware.
That I had dreamed of
a thousand times.

Eyes benign,
looks so kind,
made her face,
look so bright.

I closed my eyes
fighting through,
the series of images,
that had put me in cages.

Does she know?
Or does she not?
That she is mine?
Her soul just Mine !

"................."

My heart still yearns for you,
even when I am with him.
The smile that could create
a flutter in anyone's heart.
Life was not easy.
Had to marry someone,
I never loved, admired.
Right from day one,
he knew about you.
He said "I understand.
But now, we are together.
Hope u dont mind."

When, he kissed, I knew,
It never had the passion your kisses had.
Or, I never felt it, even if it had.
He asked me out. I said yes.
That was just it.
Nothing more, nothing less.
He was my business partner.
We married.We had to.
We were never together.
I never let him be.
Hope I had.

Still, he cared.
For all I had done to him.
My heart fluttered,
when he said a goodbye.
Thought I won't miss him.
But, I did.

I just called him up.
To say that I love him.
He is returning.
By the next flight.
I am waiting for my love,
Hoping he reached sooner.

His smile, why didn't I notice it before?!
How could it make my heart flutter?
"Shall I kiss you?"
I replied with a kiss.
He hugged me.
His kiss...
Why am I melting now?
Why is this passion new to me?

"Do u love me?"
He replied it with another kiss.
And I knew.
He loved me.

The other day at NITC.. :P

The other day, to be precise, on 16^th November, I had gone to Calicut. More like a tour than a lovely little exam… I was so lavishly carefree that I wondered if there was any sense in this journey, than to waste some money. And so, the early morning journey, with nothing but a small matching handbag and a smile, took me to Calicut. The exam was in our Kendriya Vidyalaya, a different one though. I saw people from different states and cultures together… Most of them immersed in discussions about the exam, pattern and strategy. I was wondering if I fit into this scene. With my friends near me and us talking about the money we lost in applying and traveling… and then a car came and stopped in front of us. I saw a gal was immersed in a book, inside it. The figures I saw didn’t make any sense to me. Of course, I knew I was a goner. Not that I had any ‘hope’ before. :D

I went. I wrote. I forgot. This would be how I would describe my exam.

And then after the exam, we walked back to the place where we could board a bus. And I started off to NITC and my friends, to our hometown.

I reached the so called NITC after some 2-hour’s journey. And was damn hungry by then. I had already smsed my cousin that I needed a sumptuous lunch or rather should I mention that it was already 3.30 and hence may not count as lunch?

Getting down at the destined stop I looked around for a familiar face waiting for me. But alas! No one was there. And so, I walked a bit assuming, as always, my feet knew better than brain about the way. Well, this time it seemed I was right. There it was, the grand gates of the NITC. [OK Not so grand though. :P Golden paint does not imply grandeur.]

As I got into it, I kept on smsing my stupid cousin. “Come over you @%^(^&$%!!” Well, I waited. I talked. To the god-knows-who, who was sitting there on watchman duty - About every single detail of my visit; Whom am I going to meet. Who will come for me there. How do I know them all. Are there guys and gals… where would I stay. Goddamit. When he started off with my family matters, I pretended I got a call and escaped. That is when I remembered, god, I had frijo inside this place. Why was I waiting!! I could just call him and ask him to come as well. Well, I called him up and mentioned that I was there. Waiting.

Within minutes he was visible, from the farthest end of Rajpath from me. And I recognized that round head, even from that distance. J Well, he was on his cycle [an attempt to reduce that excess fat on his body or what I don’t know.] As he neared I found his face all disfigured with a “small” growth of hair. God, he looked like a forty year old! And then, I saw a small head at the other side of the road approaching us. It was the one and only Elnammu! My cousin. K Well, as gals, we always take a lot of time to dress up. But only when a gal waits for a gal, do we realize how pathetic our dates feel. :)

As soon as my dear Elnammu approached, I pointed at my friend and said, “ithaadi sneham… [This is love yaar!] Her face contorted in a moment in anger and jealousy. :D [It is nice to irritate her, I remembered. :D Those days I spent with her bro, irritating her at her home… Wow!! It would require another post to mention that fun.] But she didn’t say anything else rather than try to smile, in which she was obviously failing. So, finally her face looked like a “beautiful buffoon”. :D

Satisfied seeing her face and the contentment of making her angry and jealous, I turned back to my friend and said, “ Why can’t you shave off that stupid beard? It looks ugly.”

“You don’t know the tensions of an engineer. We run around too busy. I am having my project presentation. I am too busy these days.”

“Even to shave?”

“Yeah. Even to shave.”

I was wondering how anyone could be too busy to even take time shave n look good. :? It seemed there were unlucky fellows like that too. :P

“Oh nammukkathonnum arinjude… nammalu paavam oru sadharana degree-kkari. Nammale verthe vittekk"

He grinned on this.

After that, we enquired about each other’s well being and of course, after a brief mention of the stupid “rat’s enemy”, I left off with my cousin to wherever-the-heck! And him, to his project.

Instead of going to the hostel, we scampered off to the canteen. For heavenssake! I was hungry as a bear. [Not literally though. :P] I had my lunch and tea [together!] and we slowly walked across the road and off to the LH, [Ladies Hostel].

At last, I had secure accommodation. :P

As we walked on, I saw a gal riding a bike. [Yes. You read right “a gal!”] As I saw that, my adrenaline rushed through my veins [or arteries or wateva!] and I screamed. :D I love biking. :D [Though these days dad thinks it is not ‘politically right’ for a gal to ride bikes. :| ] Once upon a time I used to ride bikes too. But that was a real ‘once upon a time’ :(

I whistled and catcalled!! Man!! That was real cool!!! My cousin whispered into my ears “This is our ‘chekkan’. ” she whooshed past us! And I jeered and cheered and catcalled and wateva!! My cousin, who believes in being a typical mallu gal, all very disciplined and conventional, gave me an angry whisper “Now shut up! We are near our faculty quarters.”
“So?”
“So, they will hear your catcalls!!”
“So what!” I put my tongue out to irritate her, if I had not already done that. :D
“God!! You will destroy my ‘manam’ here.” [‘Status’ in a wide assumption.] And she made me wonder how come she had a “status” there!!

Since our chekkan had gone beyond vicinity, I shut up. And of course, since I could not go back now, I was not about to be denied accommodation just bcos of some catcalls. :D

Well, as I turned and looked at where we were heading, I saw two faces, slowly emerging from the far end of the lane. As their bodies became visible, I found both were typically in the same shirt. more like cartoons printed on them. :P

“Serina and mols” she whispered again. As I tried recognizing their faces from that distance [from the pics my cousin showed me in her hols [Oh, they were a torture, sitting for hours looking at some stupid videos, all eually boring :( ] ], I knew I was in for memories for a lifetime [?] …

shesham adutha episode-il. :P [Continued in the next episode.] [Read I am too lazy to complete this right now.] :D

PS- My cousin has been bugging me to blog on her stupid college from the moment I left that place. please bear with me. :( Anyone who catches the "bored-off-my-a**" disease, please blame her. :P n not me. :D thanks in advance. :D -Joe.

"Whither art thou?"

A lover's sigh;
The weight of wants.
Hurting heart,
thudding fast.
Lifeless life.
Heartless love.
All she has,
has a mourning bend.

The tear of love,
rolling down,
wetting cheeks,
and biting lips.
Unkempt hair
hiding burns,
of passion, past
and some praise.

O ! My Love,
"Whither art thou?"

love u bro!!! :D

u stayed with me.

thru this ordeal.

when i cud lean on.

and cry on.

you stayed with me..

fr heaven and hell.

and told me i was rit n gud.

i nvr thot i wud surpass this.

for i feared i mit brk dwn.

but u held my hand

and brot me thru.

for god knows i needed u.

he sent u to me.

for hearing me out.

and letting me carry on..

till this was over.

the time has passed..

wen my eyes were wet.

but these eyes r now wet.

cos of u.

for ur love bro,

i can cross the seas.

and war the world.

for ur love, i am happy i had.

love u!!

Toppling hope ..

Unpicked calls,
communication falls..
I wonder why
optimism fails.
Days spent alone
lonely and bored,
speaks volumes and more,
through the face he adored.
Mails have stopped,
from a frequency that topped.
It makes me wonder,
if the reason is more than a thunder.

Keep wondering, I tell myself.
And wondering about heaven and hell.
For your love is lost.
And now, is just a ghost.
The later you know,
the later you hear,
the better, I am sure.

Yes! Let it be late.
Just a bit later than Never!

:(

ഒരുപാടു പ്രണയിച്ചു ഞാന്‍,
നിന്റെനിഴലിനേപോലുമെന്‍
ഹൃദയതിന്നുള്ളിലെ നീര്ത്തടത്തില്‍..
സന്ധ്യകള്‍ ചേര്‍്ന്നൊരാ വര്ണ്ജാലകം
തുറക്കാതെയെന്നോ നീയെന്‍
മനസിന്റെ വഴികളില്‍ വിഹരിച്ചുവോ?

പാതിയടഞൊരാ കണ്കളും
പിന്നെയാ വാര്‍്മുടിക്കെട്ടിന്റെ ആലസ്യവും,
ഏതോ കിനാവിന്റെ മര്‍്മരം കേള്‍ക്കുവാന്‍
മോഹത്തിന്‍ മൂര്‍ധാവില്‍ വീണുടഞ്ഞു..
എന്‍ സിന്ദൂരമുഖരിത രാവുകളില്‍.

എങ്കിലും എന്‍ പ്രിയതമാ ഇന്നു ഞാന്‍,
വേര്‍പാടില്‍ ഒരു രാവ് തീര്‍്ക്കുവാനായി
ഇത്ര അസ്വസ്ഥയാവുന്നതെന്തിനാണ്?
എന്‍ തനൂ ഞെളിപിരി കൊള്ളുന്നു വ്യര്‍്ഥമായി..

ഈ വാക്കുകള്‍ നിന്നടുതെത്തുന്നതിന്‍ മുന്‍്പായ്,
ഈ രാവിന്റേ മൃത്യു ഞാന്‍ കാണുമെന്നൊര്ത്തോര്‍്ത്ത്
വിരല്തുംബിലെ കറുപ്പിന്‍ കളങ്കം മായ്ച്ചു ഞാന്‍
സ്മ്രിതിയിലെ വര്ണസ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്‍
സ്വയം നിര്‍വൃതി പൂകുന്നു..

The Withering Rose..

The pain of being apart,
wonder why...
The rose of Valentine
is withered and brown.
The pages of my book,
have a rosy tinge now.
Still, I am here.
And he is there.

Letters scattered on the table,
waiting to be reread; again.
The dungeons of my mind,
getting desperate and worn.
Of thoughts; unfavorable, pessimistic.
Singing a melody
on the death of life.
Oh! An elegy for you, Life!

They flowered, withered.
Flowered yet again.
And here, Spring is late.

Time's gone on..
My hair's turning grey.
Will I ever bloom?
Or remain broken, waiting and worn?
The pain of being apart,
is too much for me, to bear..

My Eternal Bliss.

When he thought of hugging me,
I told him not to.
For the fear of wanting more.
For the fear of asking more.
When he thought of kissing me,
I told him not to.
For the fear of swooning.
For the fear of self abandon.
He left me.
Thinking I am inept.
And he flirted and slept.

My heart ached.
It was a pain to see this.
I cried every night.
And wet my pillow.

And then,
one day, he died.
And that day, I rejoiced.
For he was mine, now.
Till eternal bliss.

Me, A Wanderer.

O! Wanderer,
tarry a little.
Take me with you,
For I am fellow less.
May be, on the way,
we might talk.
Or if fortune favors,
we might befriend.

Cartons of loads,
come with me.
You don't have to share it.
But just keep my pace.
O, the load.
Its nothing important.
Just some past deeds,
that weigh on my back.

O my wanderer,
please stay back.
I have to pay something,
for all this weight.
May be, I will keep on paying
till my death.
Or just a little and move from here.

The wanderer tarried.
Was with me forever.
Gave me company
and heard my talk.
I guess,
we became bosom chums,
who had a pace
and were at ease.

Everything I did,
the Wanderer too did.
For it was my shadow,
who shadowed me till death.

Fading away..

Looking at his faded picture,
my eyes blinked away tears.

The days we enjoyed together,
partying dancing, or just walking.
Savoring those thoughts,
I closed my eyes.
Remembering those days,
when we had no grey.
When,
when we were together.

He is gone..
Telling me, he would wait there.
I wish I could be with him.
May be, its time.
To join him; My Love.

Gotten ready, I hugged the faded picture.
His faded picture, close to my heart.
And Waited...

The next dawn saw,
a large mob in black, mourning a soul.

The Forgotten Poem

A forgotten poem,
is burning in my heart.
To just burst out
and play its part.

Wonder what it has to say!
A sorry?
To the Angry Lover?
Or a hai?
To a familiar stranger?

I wish I could let it burst.
And play its part.
But God forbid,
If it's a sordid confession.
If it were,
I would rather die.
Bursting my heart.
Than ..
Than to let it out.