You don't have to be married to God to worship him.

Why do muZic bring back memories? Especially emotional memories?

No I dont pride myself in being emotional. In fact I detest it. If it was not necessary that men be emotional to earn a living, why?

I remember why I left my love. Hehe.. Nothing worth a Bollywood movie. Just a very practical thing. Most call it by different names. Mine is the plainest reason and the truth. I was practical. I left her. Some call it ditching, dumping.. Wateva. I just did it.

At least, I am outright frank. My love loved that trait in me. God knows how many times it might have hurt her.

The last time I did it was the 'leaving'. I told her I needed to concentrate on my career. Yup that was exactly my reason. No hiding. I had too much stress on my professional side. Could not give much to my personal life.

She tried hanging on. Oh for a looooooong time. God knew why then. It is different now. :)

Know where life lead us both?

Owing to a lot of professional pressure, I never really had time to follow up on her life. Five years have passed. And I know where I stand. I have had my shares of promotions and pay hikes. I am successful now. Or as successful a man can be, without a woman behind him. I still eat out daily, my room looks bachelorly, I depend on hobbies to keep me happy, I party weekly.. Ah, that is a long list. And the saddest part, I have to resort to internet when I get to my flat. Nobody to wait up. :)

This is exactly why I hate being emo. I have a car, a driver, a flat in the so very expensive residential area of this city, I have a fat pay check.. I have all the 'Have'-s. And I still find at the end of the day, that I need something more. I missed out on 'need'-s.

When she pointed out once, I said it is a mental block to me, this 'getting close thingy'. She never mentioned it again.

I felt like a loser. I wanted to do both. Be successful and be with her. She was happy I chose the former. She always liked that in me. She drifted away from me after I made the choice. Or I let her go. She asked me if she should wait till I conquered everything I wanted. I was not sure. I didnt know if it would serve any purpose. I told her exactly that. Circumstances change me. I told her I donno how I might feel after I did everything I wanted to. It was simply unpredictable.

Yesterday, I met her. Again. My crisp suit and her business attire, we matched perfectly. That was the second time I ever saw her. In those years of relationship, we never really met. Once, after the choice. Weird. Right? :)

After closing the deal, she came to me.

"This is strictly personal, nothing to deal with the deal. Shall we meet up for coffee?"

".." I was unsettled by that if you ask me. I could not say anything.

"Heheh.. Not to bring dead ghosts alive. Dont worry. I remember a promise of 'forever friends'. For the old promissake?" And as though remembering something, she smiled.

I never knew I could like a smile so much. Only if I knew it some time back..

"OK."

"How about the bird park? Dont they have cafes inside? Haven't been into any spots here yet. If you would please?"

"OK. Sure, why not?"

When I reached, she was already there waiting. A flowery skirt and white shirt. She remembers! Wow! Well, I like that combination a lot. I am surprised she still remembers. As I was about to take tickets, she waved the tickets from where she stood and I beelined myself to her. So much for being late. I remember when we met after my choice, she was late. By some 15 minutes. Profusely apologizing, she had settled down. We talked for sometime indeed. She had hid her tears very well. Her parting remark was "Thanks for giving me my day."

I had forgotten I had promised her a day. She looked nothing like her pics. Different, from close. Nevertheless was not bad. :)

Today, she looks great. Too different from what I expected her to look like. Not at all the serious business minded lady I saw yesterday. We got into the park and started watching birds. We talked about the day before's deal. And how that was going to affect both the parties. We walked. I wanted to know a lot of things about her. Life after she left, how she is now.. But I could not bring myself to talk about anything personal though this was supposed to be a personal rendezvous. And she didnt bring it up either. [Thankfully?] Probably restrained herself cos of the promise of not digging up ghosts.

As we walked, we saw this "Talking Macaws" pointer. She ran to the talking macaws as soon as she saw them. And watched the group that had the macaws put on them and got pics clicked.

"Can you put them on me like you did for them?" She said, pointing to the group who just left.

The caretaker smilingly put each macaw on her as she spread her hands out

"Pic lo na?? Mobile is inside." She pointed to her handbag.

I opened her bag and took out the mobile.

"Just open the shutter and the click button is on the side."

I see. She has changed her mob. She used to have a mob that I never saw anywhere else for real, other than her hands.

I took the pics on the mobs. It turned out lovely. Her skirt matched the colors of the macaws. 'Macaws on a macaw.' I felt like saying. Somewhere in my mind, I wanted it to be 'Macaws on my macaw'. Shaking my head, I returned her mob to the bag. She was trying to make one of them talk.

"Hello cutie!"

"Hello" She squealed like a child when finally it imitated her.

For the rest of the walk, I watched her. Not the birds. She could have been mine...

We entered a cafe. She had been chattering on like she would, long back. At nights I would forgo my sleep to listen to her. She had this energy that I never saw in anyone else.
Sipping the coffee,"So, this is the interest for the day I asked uh?"
"Eh.."
"Never mind, I just asked." And she smiled. She would say that every time I had no answer to what she asked.

Saved by the bell, I thought as I picked up my ringing mob. And her.

"Lets talk later." I told the caller and hung up. "Sorry about that dear."

"It's ok.." And she smiled again.

After coffee, we walked towards the exit.

"So." She turned to me at the exit.

"So..?"

"Well?"
"Well?"
"Uh.. Nothing I guess.. Ok then, bye. And thanks for the good time."
"Yeah bye."
I watched her walk.. And then it struck me!! OMG OMG OMG!

"Wait!!!" I shouted.
She turned. And waited.
"Well.. Nothing actually.. I just.."
"Ok." And she looked around restlessly.
Was she already married? Where was she settled now? Will I ever meet her again? What would our kids have been like? Will she accept me if I asked her now? Should I?

I donno. I just donno.

"Well, you know.. Do you still like me after all what I did to you? Even after I said we can't marry?"
She laughed.

She turned to walk away. And then looked back to say,"You don't have to be married to God to worship him."
And she walked away.

By the time I had processed her words, my Macaw was gone. I had let another chance go.
But I was on springs. :) Cos I had her number on me now.