Durga's Random Thoughts.

Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again. Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping, And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains Within the sound of silence. In restless dreams I walked alone Narrow streets of cobblestone, 'neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of A neon light That split the night And touched the sound of silence. And in the naked light I saw Ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening, People writing songs that voices never share And no one dared Disturb the sound of silence. Fools said I, you do not know Silence like a cancer grows. Hear my words that I might teach you, Take my arms that I might reach you. But my words like silent raindrops fell, And echoed In the wells of silence And the people bowed and prayed To the neon God they made. And the sign flashed out its w...

अगर किसी को प्यार हो जाए, तो उसका दिल मत टूटने देना| अगर कोई बेकरार हो जाये, तो उसे उसके प्यार दे देना| ये इष्क का दर्द बड़े बेवफा हे. दर्द देते हे फिर भी बहुत सुन्दर हे|

OK. I accept that I am mad. But that makes you a coward. [ :P ]

Dad got home some birds today. :D :D :D My! I am sooo happy. :)))) And I thought dad hated pets. :) Seriously.. He used to beat up every dog n cat out here if they happened to come to his compound. May be, he has a particular liking to birds. :D They are sooo lovely.. A green one with black spots, an orange one with brown back, and two yellow ones with black heads. I do not have any idea what they are called. I mean, I tried searching net for the name. Could not find it. N dad particularly forgot to ask. :( Been chirruping the whole day. And I have been happily listening to them. They sound something like ' tweek tweek ' and I have a feeling I have seen those kinda birds somewhere before.. Felt bad at first. Li'l things in a cage.. N seemed scared of the new surroundings.. Dont they deserve their freedom? I had a sudden urge to open the door and let them fly. When I told dad, he said since we dont harm them but care for them, it is ok.. And they may have been eaten by s...

"If this is madness, I don't want to be cured. If this is pain, I don't want to painless. And if this a wound, I don't want to be healed."

A lady : "I love my husband too much!!" Me : Yeah, 'too much'. [roll eyes!] May be, you feel you should lessen it a bit? :-| Why the fuss lady?? PS - Saw this on a site. Just a slip of tongue. But means a lot different.

A freind who can not understand you when you say a 'No', is not really worth it. N yes, I meant you. :)

I see you far away, but I am afraid to tell you this. You are everything, I ever wanted my eyes to feast on. You'd glide even further, when my thoughts do track you. So, I hide my thoughts now and let you be hither. I see people around, all blind in love and loved. All I can do is, wait for you, till you would love to. But I see you gliding further, and lose all my hope to death. But I am holding back, just in case, You want to be hither.

There was this moment, when everything seemed funny. We laughed and laughed and laughed. Til our eyes were wet with the joy of thoughts. Then it changed to moments serious. Everything was serious; You and me. We talked and talked of things in life, till our eyes were deprived of sleep. Then came the time when we were one. Everything was us and us, for us, everything. We shared our lives, like the lovebirds did. That is, till you wanted to abandon me. Oh, everything is the same. At least for me. But I just cry, till my eyes do die.

Last night, I found a sudden curiosity in my mind to check out horoscopes and varshaphalas and all that for the year. It was a long gone craze.. But this sudden interest, well, I met it with a queer curiosity. And I started browsing. Typically Virgoish, I keep lists and hence, had a long forgotten list of sites, I used to follow long back, somewhere in my comp. I started going to each, one by one. Some sites' links had been broken. and some others had taken Horoscope to 'Paid Services' [which meant I could not use them again] and the rest, yes, I checked out the rest. Incidentally, the free ones all had the same predictions for me. Sun sign, Moon sign, whatever. The same on every site - Funda : Gyan muft he, phir shikayath kyu? -. Browsing around for long, with the usual questions ranging from things like love, marriage, career.. blah blah blah..! And good time, bad time.. You know... And needless to say, I met with endless number of fraud sites and pop up windows. But p...

Jungian Personality Types (Free Test) ENFP - "The Advocate" ENFPs are introspective, values-oriented, inspiring, social and extremely expressive. They actively send their thoughts and ideas out into the world as a way to bring attention to what they feel to be important, which often has to do with ethics and current events. ENFPs are natural advocates, attracting people to themselves and their cause with excellent people skills, warmth, energy and positivity. ENFPs are described as creative, resourceful, assertive, spontaneous, life-loving, charismatic, passionate and experimental. They can't bear to miss out on what is going on around them; they must experience, first hand, all the significant social events that affect our lives. ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and ...

Saw this on R.K. 's blog and took the test myself. :) It seems I am stupid at logic and math as usual. :) On the other hand, good at somethings I love... Well, not bad. :)

Gyan : Relationships are reciprocal. Me : I am not good at math. :-|

This post was supposed to be published long before. But I was quite lazy and it was in 'drafts'. So, here it goes... My computer is screaming, at a "not so low" voice, a song praising Krishna.. And I am trying to Google out some ways to feel better about myself. But of course, I am on one of my downtrodden states. . For 'god-knows-what' reason. Lemme talk about my day today. Looooong day in fact.. :) As usual, I was late to get up. And then, the whole business of getting ready.. I hate it actually. When I should be sleeping like anything here, ironing clothes!!.. :( [Imagine the pain, and empathize with me. alpenliebe!! :D ] I would never do it beforehand.. I am too lazy for any chore that takes more than one minute of my concentration... And then, I run.. Knowing very well that I was past the train timing of Indian Railways. Of course, Indian Railways are "infamous" for their time constraint. And I had managed to surpass it. [roll eyes!] I run, co...

It has been long since the old post was in. I just thought I would complete[ :? ] the NIT adventure now. My cousin took me around the hostel to meet all the people there. She had already put it on BBC that I was coming. And had mentioned everything I had ever done in my life, to each and everyone of her friends. They eagerly were waiting to ask me all about the stuff. Trust me, I felt like a showpiece sometimes. :-| Aaand I was irritated to know that her friends thought I was exactly like my her. :-| To make matters worse, I had worn a chudidar exactly like hers. Was mistaken to be her 3 WHOLE times!!!! x-( I do mind. I am me. :( Not her. I felt like killing someone every time they mentioned it. Humph! And ya, on the way meeting her friends, I met the gal who rode bikes. She was taller than me. And she was real muscular. :D One thing that disgusted me, [though it might entertain guys] was that, in the hostel, gals walk around in minimal clothings [I should really stress Minimal h...

Just made me think. Why am I staring at this comp screen at this wee hour without particularly having any aim or sense? Do I ever make sense? Am I schizophrenic? Or is it just that I am almost always 'normally' mad? [Come to think of it, ain't all? :? ] Been wondering about the madness and schizophrenic part for long now.. But still have no idea about the reason for me to sit and stare at this screen right now. May be, it is the helplessness of not being able to communicate with someone. Or it might be a sense of direction loss as usual. My mind is wandering again. I wish I could get back to yoga. Those days when I could control my mind well. Yes, I might get back to yoga alright.. One of these days.. Damn. I am gonna catch 40 winks. Almost 2. May be, today's mailing will be done tomorrow.. Or rather, yesterday's mailing, later today.. :) Good day to myself..! :) PS- As usual, I think I will do the mailing part from my mobile.. :) Just cant sleep without that.. Hehe...

Living in a mirage with a gut feeling somewhere something is wrong, is a frightening feeling.. :) When you realize those fears are true.. I cant describe that feeling.. :)

I am not too much of a social being. I blabber a lot. It is one thing. But when it comes to getting comfortable in a social get together, I really take time. I am basically a reserved fellow until someone gets real close. But when it comes to Internet, I kinda do well in making and keeping a social network around me. Not all know me well. And not all are my friends. But somehow everyone remains my acquaintance. And I can recognize the person by his writing style. With Orkut, I tried Facebook as well. But decided to remain loyal to Orkut since I felt Facebook was kinda not on my frequency. I have been on Orkut for a long time and during that time, I have made 'friends' as well. But to know them from inside, I had to resort to other methods like chatting and mails. Orkut has a single profile that talks about a person with some random communities and cliche' questions. I used to wonder what Orkut meant when it asked me what one would find in my bedroom.And the crap about a he...

In school, our teachers experimented with the seating arrangement of students of our class and they stay in my mind like plaque.. Well, not bad as a plaque, but guess they will stay in my mind forever. :) It starts off in 4th, from Sivadasan sir, [the one with a long fingernail on his lil finger who pinched me with it for the silliest mistakes I made in English] who put kids who were good at studies and the ones who were 'not so good' together, in the expectation that the ones who are good would help the ones who are not. He was our class teacher and English was his subject of concern then. Well, I remember I was left standing with a gal who was so verrrrry arrogant and nasty at the end. We were the last ones. And of course, I had to sit with her and try to get some sense into the talks. Poor thing must have found my arrogance an unavoidable trouble. Not that I was too good at studies as well. Even then, I was just average. Seriously. But then , I think he had no other choice....

Every child is a dream in human form. The success he has in life, depends on the expanse of his dream. Well, some are blessed with luck. I have no idea if it is the pay off of good deeds in past or last birth as someone told me.. Or if it some occurrence with the randomness of Brownian motion. All I know is, primarily, every child has to have a dream to work and to have success. My dream has always been to never regret that I lived my life and did what I did, while in my death bed. And yes, to love and be loved. I certainly do not regret my life on the whole for now. :)

When you start getting something, you expect that to be given in future. And when you dont get it, it hurts. On the contrary, when you get something, you forget how much value it has. And start neglecting it.

The prisoner told the judge that he was an idiot. :D So, who IS the idiot? ;) :D

ഇതാണ് രാത്രിയുടെ രണ്ടാം യാമത്തിന്റെ ഭംഗി . ഈ നിലാവിന്റെ കുളിരില്‍ പ്രണയാര്ദ്രനായി .. അവളെയും ഓര്‍ത്ത് .. ഇങ്ങനെ .. ഹൃദയത്തിന്റെ വാതായനങ്ങള്‍ തുറക്കാന്‍ ഇനി എന്ത് വേണം ? അവളെ കുറിച്ചോര്‍ക്കുമ്പോള്‍ .. ഒരു ചെറു വെമ്പലായ് .. എന്റെ മനസ്സിന്റെ കനവായ് അവളെത്തുമ്പോള്‍ .. അതുരു വേദനയാണ് . ഒരു സുഖകരമായ വേദന . പോകുന്നതിനു മുന്പുള്ള അവളുടെ വാക്കുക്കള്‍ .. പിന്നീട് എന്നെ ഒരുപാടു കുത്തി നോവിച്ചു . ഒരുപാടു വേദനിചിട്ടാ അവള്‍ പോയത് . എന്തിനെന്നെ വിട്ടകലുന്നു എന്ന് പല തവണ ചോദിച്ചു . എനിക്ക് ഉത്തരം ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല . ഇന്നോര്‍ക്കുമ്പോള്‍ , ഇതുപോലെ എന്നെ ലോകത്തുരു പെണ്ണും ഇനി സ്നേഹിക്കില്ല എന്ന തിരിച്ചറിവെന്നെ കൊല്ലുന്നു . ഒരു പൊട്ടിക്കാളി പെണ്ണ് . എന്നെ കാണാന്‍ വന്നപ്പോള്‍ എനിക്കേറ്റവും ഇഷ്ടമുള്ള ഉണ്ണിയപ്പവുമായി വന്നത് . എന്റെ കയ്യറിയാതെ അവളുടെ കയ്യില്‍ തട്ടിയപ്പോള്‍ നാണിച്ചത് .. ആ കണ്ണുകളിലെ ഭാവങ്ങള്‍ .. അത് കണ്ടിരുന്നാല്‍ നേരം പോകുന്നതറിയില്ല . ഞാന്‍ എന്ത് പറഞ്ഞാലും ചെയ്താലും ഒരു പുതിയ ഭാവം ആ കണ്ണുകളില്‍ നിറയുമായിരുന്നു . നല്...

നീ കേള്‍ക്കുന്നുണ്ടോ എന്നറിയില്ല. എങ്കിലും.. ഒരു വാക്കു.. "പ്രണയത്തിന്റെ നോവിന്നറിയുന്നു ഞാന്‍ സഖി, കണ്കോണിലൊലിച്ചിറങുന്ന കണ്ണുനിര്‍ത്തുള്ളിയായി.." - ദുര്‍ഗ്ഗ നന്ദന്‍

Like Dream'R had opined, I felt like blogging on 25 random things about myself. :) But then, it turned out to be a list of things and people I love. First things first, 1. I love myself. Like hell. Call me narcissist or whatever you feel like. I am one. 2. I love and am possessive about everything I own. From my mob to my pen to anything. Dont dare touch anything or anyone I love. You will have me to answer to, if I find out. 3. I get turned on by intelligence, humor sense, height, looks and weirdly, silence. Ah a package of all these! gosh!. :D My ideal mate. :D Waiting for you sweetheart. :) 4. My Dad. The being I love the most. Without him, my life is nothing. Just nothing. As someone said, picture me standing on my bed, declaring to the whole world, with arms open, that I love my dad soooooooooooooooooo much!! :D Love ya dad!!! :) Mmmmmuah!! :) 5. I love my family. My mom and my sis make my life colorful. Mom n her humor sense.. Her naughtiness! Her stupidity.. Her love....

You know where our courage lies? In being able to accept that we are cowards somewhere. Real cowards run from the truth. But a scared enemy is more dangerous than a brave one. Coz fear will make people really dangerous. Desperate .. And poisonous.

Mockeries keep happening in life. And the oncoming election is a cyclic mockery in a 'Democratic' country like ours. As the elections near, the politicians in deep comfy slumber are stirring and becoming socially active for the benefit of their seats and vote banks. Another election. Kerala's politicians are conducting marches from here to there. And from there to here. Cheap publicity to counter them with 'go back' marches. Crap! I wonder till when we are willing to suffer them. They go blind when people in need and trouble are anywhere around them. They do not mind using the same people when dead, as their martyrs. Suddenly they become comrades. The joke being, those with some sense, do not get 'successful' in politics. Youth with more than average intelligence and capability end up being money minded and "goodie gooodie". Do not enter politics. And those youth who enter politics and become innovative, are blasted out of way by the 'settled...

Listening to some songs, close to my heart, I am wondering what I should be doing right now.. and I feel a lot of emotions. Together. Maths? Ads? Philosophy? Nope. Something else. Something I have no name for. Just read this - 'Love is nearly a deathlike experience. Making love is so, all the more.' But the joke about love is, love cant be replaced by death. But death can be replaced by love I guess... I just wrote this for the fun of using a new font. But may be, in the meantime, I said some truths as well.. :) The font is one I just downloaded.. It looks charming.. Just like its name.. 'A Charming Font' :) I am thinking of those thousands who can not find love. I tried typing in CAPS. But it takes too much space. And so I left the thought. I am using a charming font. And waiting for net to connect. These days, it takes 10 whole minutes for this damn thing to connect. And it is too hot in this room.. I wish it had a fan in it. The font characters resemble swords. Do t...

You are the one that gave me your time. You are the one that shared those worries of mine. You got to me, when things went wrong. You told you will be for life. And your promise for life, lead me on. I thought you would be there, -A friend for life. Letting me think things would be fine, You became the one that made me lie. You the one, that made me spy. The one, that made me deny. And the one, that made me cry. You got the gal. You shocked the world. Out of me and out of hell. Left me like shit. And my heart was bloodily hit. Memories longed to be buried. I let them alone, I let them roam. And they had finally died. Or rather buried from view. Why don't you let me alone now? Or wanna destroy my life again? Why are you getting back to it? Want another gal? Want some help? Or just for the fun of being an irritant? Again? God forbid you get your way. Again that is. Leave me alone. Leave me to my life. Get lost. And get out.

There is something wrong with the world. You work hard to achieve something. And then, the world comes and asks you for a treat for the success you toiled to achieve. They might not have moved a single finger while you were busy working. But still... It is not just enough you work to success and then you have to make others happy with treats as well? Man, world is weird. Real Weird.

I have always wondered why guys are crazy about bikes. Of course, they have the right to.. But not 'thaaaaaaaat' much. My attention was dragged back to this thought when one of my colleagues bought a bike. An FZ. Not any lesser. Initially, it was wokey to listen to all his proud words about it. But later on, it became endless descriptions about his races with some stupid biker on the way here and back. And everytime he races, the bike can only make a single sound. Phooom!!.. Man, seriously, can he believe everyone else would be as interested in his bike races and experiences? The joke about most of his experiences is that they seem a bit filmy. like, a guy swooshes past him on his pulsar. later, he puts the goddamn thing in 5th gear and races ahead. And later, he wud be smoking a cigar near a wayside shop, when this guy rides past all defeated.. Way too filmy. Right? Btw, 'Random thotzz' are really random. No meaning in trying to find a meaning in my words here.. :)

As night falls, I remember the day we first met.. Those moments still etched in my mind.. It was more than a meeting. It was our first moment of happiness. The slums of my life and the dirt of your gang, they would have never matched normally. But there, we saw a weird match. Of the unmatchable. My eyes may have found the drop of tear you always hid. Your eyes, the drops of my sweat. Or was it the other way round? Or did we find each other? I only remember the night falling and the dissolving of 'you' and 'me', into 'Us'. My hands, didn't have to probe, to find those blisters on yours. And you didn't either cry out at the hardness of my hands.. Words were not enough to communicate.. Silence spoke for us. The silent night became the silent witness for our weird meeting. Night saw souls meeting, hands probing and minds racing. We parted. That was the last time we met. I had to get back to my slum and lot. You moved on with your gang. Still I search in the ...

Dont give me any of your attitude. I have my own with me. No thanks. :)