Dec 30, 2010

The year that passed..

Cant believe a year has passed. In the beginning of the year I was nowhere and trying to decide if I should go for an MA in Linguistics or an MBA in HR. I also had no idea whether I really wanted a boyfriend or not. I had no idea that I would be active on Facebook. I didnt imagine I would meet a couple of friends from net. And still better, that they would turn out to be verrrry good friends. I didnt imagine I would teach. Or work with Ads.
I didnt imagine I would be in a different city [not to mention a metro] with all that fast life and a curriculum to go with, by the end of the year, while I was lazily munching chips and trying to concentrate on a basic quant sum with my sleepy brain in last January...

Here is to a new year!
A hope for bigger better and a fantastic new year, for myself and for everyone who reads this! :)
Durga Nandan

PS - An MA in Linguistics is still not ruled out. :P

Dec 27, 2010

Did you have a 'Place Lag' yet?

After a long time, a long post. The old funny tinge back. Or so I felt after I typed this out.
Anways, it is all about how they should coin the word or may be the term "place lag" just the same way they said "jet lag".
Is why even a question? *roll eyes!*

As soon as I landed back from Chennai for my holidays back to Kerala, God's own country, I felt this peculiar need to coin that term. Because the feeling was bugging and budding inside me.

The urge to speak English was the worst. Trust me, I had to fight my inkling to talk to my dad in English. Not that he would have trouble understanding or replying, but he would be sarcastic about how 'pseudo mallus' land back from somewhere they just lived for 6 months and start acting as if they never belonged!
And believe me, dad's sarcasm kills.

Then, everything around, had changed. Everything from the corner shops to the malls to the junctions! And an already directionally challenged [yours truly!] person found it all the more troubling to navigate.

The tendency to get ready for a fight as soon as you get into an auto?
Well, I actually asked [very rudely] an autowala how much it would be if I went to a particular place, to be answered back as rudely at, that, "We will have to wait and see how much the meter shows, wont we?" Well, chennai preserves some meters in its largest historical museums.. That is as far it goes.

Equally troubling was the big and comfy bed I got at home. I mean, I was used to sleep on a plank of wood! And not turning on my sides fearing I would fall. And then I get this? I, in fact, now have space to dirty on my bed and still have space to turn around and mess up all I like now. God it was unsettling at first!

Then, having a mom around? Wow! That is like a permanent couch available! And a bit dreamy.
Another problem was, net being on my PC now, the alignment of  letters on the keyboard. Well, my lappy has a different and close alignment. So, typing without looking turned out to be a total disaster. And painfully slow.

And net connected itself on my lappy, which the PC did only on prompt. And even after using the PC for like so many days, I still have to remind myself to connect net AFTER I try loading the pages 3 times!

Having food from home was another consequence. I call it that, cos we dont have KFC or Pizza Hut or Dominos here! Every time I yearned for KFC, I had to remind myself that I will have to travel to whole another district to get my hands on some of it.

And after a long time, when I saw "The Hindu", I kinda felt the dejavu of having read it once upon a time. And a yearning to read it again, which btw was impossible to concentrate on cos my mind feels sad it is not finance news anymore that dodged my mind! With NO finance terms! How bad is that?!!

And those things that I wear and go perfectly unnoticed in a metro, attracts glares from gals, whistles from baddies, gossips from guys and unsatisfactory murmur from grownups here. I got very conscious initially. Now, I dont give a damn. Well, I have not brought any of my 'decent' clothes home, so I dont have much of a choice! Do I?

And my dirty clothes disppear! All by themselves! It was a scare for me at first. Losing my clothes. But then, they kept reappearing washed and done. So I stopped bothering.

The feeling of movies and tv? And no Tamil? No offence to Tamil, but you so get used to hearing that language, you expect it to happen all the time for the first few days. And then you miss it. Yeah, I actually missed Tamil.

Initially I wondered if I belonged. I mean, it was difficult to fit in instantaneously. Then I slowly realized that I belong here. Have always. This scared me cos I didnt know what to call that brief period when I could not relate  'normalcy' to. And then I realized. I could use some HR tactics to deal with it.
'Blame it on something that cant bite back.' For instance, 'Place Lag'. :P
So, when was the last time you got one? :P 

Dec 24, 2010

Christmas trees and windy days,
sumptuous feasts and one who prays
Jesus is gonna be born again,
in every heart to end the pain :)

Dec 17, 2010

Some people are Hippos. Others are "Hippo-crites". I hate the second category more!

Dec 14, 2010

Why dont a million visitors visit my blog every day?

PS- Now, its your turn to be rude and funny. :P

Do I Have A Name For You?

My heart beats a thousand times more for you.
The nights are short to dream
But long to stay away from you.
The days are scorching hot and lost
When am with you not..

The nicer things in my life,
They just got their life...
That is, more than a 'Virtual Life'.

It is just the way you make me feel,
It is from my heart to heel..
When I dance with you,
It is more than just new..
The feeling..
Like I am dreaming..

My heart beats a thousand times more for you.
But do I have a name for you?
My Lady Love,
My Lovely Lass,
You are my life and death indeed!

Dec 8, 2010

Why are we humans the only people who have 'gods'? How come animals live normal without it? :?

Dec 6, 2010

Mirror Mirror..

Mirror Mirror, am I the most beautiful on earth?

Should I tell a lie or should I let it lie?

No, you should temme what you think,
'cos I care for what you think.

Sweetheart, then I tell you that
that gal is not in anyway you.

Ok, just lemme get used to this
'cos my face is all you see.

No, its not that ya'r not beautiful lady,
its just that I cant lie.

Yeah, for your love I'll hear all you say
and let you be blunt to me too.


Mirror Mirror, what do you think?
Am I the most beautiful on earth?

Should I lie or let it lie lass?
'cos I dont think you are beauteous,
for all I can know of thee..

Dec 3, 2010

The other day I saw a cockroach on the bathroom tap of my hostel. It looked like it was dancing. That must be how cockroaches 'tap' dance!

Nov 28, 2010

It takes so much luck, to find a person who feels you are the most beautiful person on earth. :)

Nov 25, 2010

Pic-ky Imagination

This is a circuit board. My friend showed it to me just now.
But my imagination kinda makes me feel its the view of a city from the sky. all big buildings and small houses and flats.. :)
Can you see it? :)

Nov 24, 2010

Orkut communities and My comments

  • "Real Lover"
    >You have a duplicate lover too? :?
  • Hottest people on Orkut
    > 20k+ people? How can all be "hottest"?
  • When trust breaks..
    >you make an orkut community for it. :P
  • I have a secret crush.
    > but i wanted a platform to shout it out. :P
  • ur's love should be true..
    > and you decide that?
  • love. we wand love.
    > wand!!! yeah. magic can only get these ppl love!
  • love is something..
    > seriously??
  • i am a true lover.
    > great. what made you declare this secret?
  • want to marry an army officer?
    > baap re! uske liye bhi community! muft mein matrimonial ads bhi ho jayenga :P
  • i dont have girlfriend.
    >good for the gals! 

Nov 21, 2010

There are some..

Things you would do if you just had enough time..
People you have no reason to hate, but still do..
Days when everything goes wrong..
Times when only that person can make you happy..
Places that make the most out of you..
Moments you wish you just evaporated into nothing..

There are some times, when horizon makes you feel better than the river near you.

Now, time for a bit of .. Well, you know what..

... She just walked out of the room. She knew it was done. The harm. And shut the door banging behind her. It is not painful now. It feels better. Scary though. Thinking about the life left to face. She reminded herself, alone. When he said those three words to her in college, she never knew it would turn to be what she is having now. Or what came before it.

"I hate you!"


Turning around, she stormed out of the audi. And then, two weeks of I-dont-talk-to-you-you-dont-even-look-at-me time. One day, something happens and he calls her a 'good girl' with a smile. :) May be they could smile at each other again...
Then, one day, he said three words again. This time though they were different. Anyways, unlike her previous relationships, this one didnt have much 'differences'. It worked out pretty well. As in, the marriage part. Then, life started.
Today she knew it just ended. And somehow, she wanted it to.

So, if you are expecting a 'happily ever after' story out of this, no you aint getting that.
Sometimes, life is all just about... mm.. Life. :)

Nov 8, 2010

All a part of Life

I found things changing today. Again. A full turn around. I donno if something is wrong with me, the way I am, or is it with the way I perceive things? Life is not sad. But it does nt seem happy either. Prefer yourself first. Always. Whoever it is. Or how much ever is promised to you.

I learnt something today.

Time is precious. Remember who you give it to.

PS - Dont give someone a part of your life, when you are just another part of their life.

Nov 7, 2010

Jal aur Agni

Jal is coming!! :D And I am excited! Wonder what the night would be like. It is supposed to be 130km/hr!
Already Chennai floods at a 3cm rain. God knows how flooded a 24hrs rain and wind would make it!
It hits Vellore directly. But last year, it flooded Chennai and water clogged in the underground roads I heard. The bridge near the railway looked like a river bridge and the road beneath it was invisible under the water. It was that bad. And the joke is, after all this, our college has regular classes. On sundays too! :-|
Morning 10 o' clock looked like 5 o' clock in the dawn. And there was no power till very recently!
I and my roommie sat and took pics in the candle light. That is the best thing that happened when power was off..
I ll post one of em here.. eh?
One of those times I see books.. :)
Aint I beautiful! :) [Dont forget, that was not a question! :P ]

Nov 5, 2010

Nov 2, 2010

God And Me...

I asked god : God, why am I not getting what I like? Why do I have to settle with things I dont even dream of?

And God replied : Have you seen a potter? He makes pots day in and day out. He makes every pot with the same clay. But he decides what everything is made for. And he knows the best use of each. He will assign each pot a duty. The same goes for you. A human is made by me with a use in mind. I will take every human to the place, that it will serve the best purpose in!

Nov 1, 2010

Mind, The Beautiful...

I think the most beautiful thing on the world is a human mind. From childhood, though we stuff it with information that was found before and make it work like a machine that we dont have time to think originally about anything with it. Marks, grades, placements.. It is a wonderful machine alright. But it is better left to itself. No formal education will help it do anything worthwhile. At least nothing new, like a breakthrough will come out of it if you stuff and run it. It needs to be left alone. When it needs something, I am sure it will find ways and information on its own.
A child can never be taught to walk. It learns by itself. Similarly, It picks up speaking all by itself. That is how nature prefers a child to learn. What we have in our world, I dont say it should not be transferred to others. But, record it. So that if anyone needs more information, they can leaf through. And learn. But not make a mess out of his brain by just stuffing it with stuff. We lose the natural ability to analyse stuff ourselves. Well, this is just a thought. I believe in it. And I certainly follow it too...
Wonder what others think...

Oct 31, 2010

I hate it when people try theorizing things that are not practical.
And argue I learn it, cos that is the theoretical way. :-|

Births and Rebirths...

I have always found a beauty in wondering what I had been in my past life, if I had one.. It is almost like, a different me, in a different scene, different dressing, everything different. Just the essence is mine. But I am sure, I would have been an Indian. Somewhere in the north probably. Near a temple. Very religious and pious. I can imagine myself in some traditional wear.. I look good in it. :)
A dark stone temple always haunted my dreams.. Somewhere inside, I see myself running. It is a Shiva temple. Wonder where it is. I have had a deja vu' of another temple before. I remember being surprised when I entered it. It was exactly the same way I had either "dreamed of" or... I donno... I knew the way inside it without anyone guiding me. Wonder why..
Well, may be, just may be, Durga Nandan, was my name in that birth.. I have always felt some connection when I hear that name... when people call me Durga Nandan, when they recognize me as Durga.
Past life is just a concept for some. But sometimes, I feel there is a bit of truth in it.

Wonder what I will be, if I had a "next birth". Am sure of one thing though, I ll be an Indian. :)

Oct 29, 2010


आँखों में काजल,
बालों में बादल,
चमके वो आँखें,
थोडा सा पागल..

नर्मिली भाषण,
अतिसुन्दर वेषण,
प्रियंवदा मन का,
मगर अलबेला.. :)

Oct 27, 2010

Speechless - 7

It is always the prospect of being in love that drives a man in youth. When in love, marriage drives him ahead. And then, the thought that she will get tired of talking one day. ;)

Oct 26, 2010

All Gods are one. Until you meet your daughter's boy friend!

Karvachauth Thoughts..

I walked into my college today to see a beautiful lady, all dressed up in saree for the class. Wondering why she was all dressed up, I remembered, it was Karvachauth today. And then I suddenly loved that lady all the more. Something you dont see in a Bschool. Anyways, when I came back, I researched on this and found out some interesting facts about this tradition.

It was initially a tradition that recognized your god-sister at your in-laws place. It had nothing to do with husbands. But then, we always commercialize love. So, husband was dragged in later. But then, doing it for your husband, I am all in for it. :)
Karva means clay pot and not sieve.
Wonder how many women do it these days...
But the men must always feel happy, someone somewhere is forgoing food for him. :)

PS- I dont like the idea of "pativrata" standing alone. I advocate a "patnivrata" too to be existent.

Oct 21, 2010


MBTI test was administered in the class the other day. It indicated I am Introverted. Introverted and me? Mm.. Was a surprise. Introverted people get energized from within. Not outside stimuli. Actually, I was equally introverted and extroverted. But, since am a lady, the result meant I am introverted. Because ladies are supposed to be more extroverted than gents. Or in layman words, "Females are supposedly chatterboxes that wont shut up."
I had taken the test some years back. Out of personal interest. And then, I was extroverted. So, it keeps changing with your age and also, the situations you are in, when you take the test, affects your result.
Was an eye opener. Knowing about yourself is the first step to knowing the world.

If someone wants to know what you are, take it here !
Find more about yourself!

Oct 17, 2010

One life, One day, One moment.
Live for yourself! :)

Oct 16, 2010

'Human' Resource.

"There are four kinds of Human Resource in an Organization -Mineral Human Resource, Vegetable Human Resource, Animal Human Resource and Human Human Resource...Only by being a Human Human Resource, one becomes a Source...This Source becomes a Real Source by losing all ego...This sets one onto the path of becoming a Manager...and only if this Manager is able to influence people there is a POSSIBILITY of Leadership..."

Some gyan I got from yesterday's conclave.
Wonder which human resource I am... :)
HR is interesting.. But I wonder if I made a small mistake by choosing it above marketing. Marketing comes naturally for me. But HR, I still dont know. I am not sure.

You know, human resource has to be developed right from school.. Here, the mentorship has to be between a kid and teacher where teacher is [like] his or her best friend. If you do that from childhood, it will make a huge impact on the emotional development of the child.

Oct 15, 2010

My first post, triggered by an HR conclave happening here on campus. Had to wear formals. These days, almost every day I wear formals. I have to.
What did I learn today?

That it is not the duty of the HR people to keep employees happy. They just make sure performance happens.
Another thing, HR people mostly look for students who match their company values. Most of the time, they need people who can work FOR them and not work WITH them.
World is filled with people. But not talented ones. It is the job of an HR personnel to find those rare talents and retain them.
Whatever is replaced, HR people can not be replaced by technology. At least, not in near future.
I also knew that, most people think HR people do not work at all. "All they do is send mails and travel around." How very wrong!
And it is not about what they want, but what is best for the company and its people that we transform into policies.
Wishing some HR company would soon come and take me so I could get a hang of it and finalize my specialization,

Oct 14, 2010

Today a guy told me he uses Lip Gloss! [I wanted to use the word 'confessed'. But he thinks there is nothing wrong with this.
He bought it for his gal friend, then forgot it at home when it was time to give her. And then started using it, it seems. And he liked the way his lips looked.
He also tells me he likes mascara and has worn black eye shadow to school.
What do I call it? :?

Oct 8, 2010

A gal asking her bro : People become workaholics after falling in love with me? Or do I fall in love only with potential workaholics?
Bro was sarcastic enough to reply : You make them realize how engaging their work is!

Another bit :
Someone, working in the public sector [purely govern'mental' organization], is still in the office at 9 pm on a weekend!
Heights of workaholism or what! :P
It is time for you to get married when you start relating to labor pain, when somebody talks about child labor! :P

Oct 5, 2010

World would be chaotic if everyone could see everyone else's dreams!

[But that is like saying, it would be chaotic if everyone saw everyone else's eyes, in a land where eyes are a secret. :)]

Oct 4, 2010

Pages of Life

Some pages are turned, to never return to, for rereads.
Some pages, stay with bookmarks.
Yet others, carry you in their hearts.

Sep 30, 2010

For You Alma Mater...

The canopy over my head, feathery green bow.
The orangy sun racing for home..
Patchy sky, church and its chimes.
Sodium lamps spreading light flood.
The solitary crow, on the top of Tall Tree.
Gravelly road, leading ahead.
Once in a while, someone walking bent head..
All this makes my walk worthwhile ahead..

Sep 27, 2010

"It is not solitary confinement. It is solitaire confinement. The only frigging game on my comp!" A friend who has an office to his own and is kinda alone in the whole place and cant quit yet screams..
तुमसे ज्यादा प्यार मुझे जो देंगा,
उससे प्यारा और कही न देखा :P

Sep 26, 2010

He is a stupid. But I hope he does not make it a habit. :P

Sep 20, 2010

The world can only be so much blind so as not to see two souls in love.
These days they even have eye drops for it. :P

Sep 18, 2010

My mind is shallow. Cant remember its bottom. It is filled with your memories...

Sep 15, 2010

Dhobi-isms and Dhobhiship thoughts..

A random life, A random thought.
Things have changed a f*kin lot.

I am into a lot of things now.
The acads, busy ones that never give you breathing space on one side, extras and clubs on another, relationships on yet another, and sleep to be balanced on. And of course, the dhobi job. That no one can do for me.
And in between all these, you get little time for your dreams, for self, for your loves.
But then, a manager manages himself or herself first... So, gotta make time.
Watching movies have been a recent craze for me. God knows why I never realized there were so many wonderful movies I had not gotten my hands on.
Some blog ideas are buzzing around in my mind. But I need time to type them and draw them out.
BTW, my happy budday just passed by. Yours truly is now a full 22 year old kid!!! :D :D

You know, I have some *GREAT* thoughts about being a dhobi. In fact, I respect them now. Being a dhobi requires special skills and knowledge.
Some facts about dhobiship and some dhobi-isms! [My finds obviously! You can agree with it :P ]

  1. He knows that new clothes are washed separately.
    Learnt it the hard way, mixed all clothes and washed once. :( Now a lot of my clothes have a black tinge to them.. :D
  2. He knows that some washing powders cause allergy.
    Incidentally, moi tried washing clothes the first time in Chennai to find blisters on my hand the very next day. And skin started peeling off which in turn turned red and scared me like hell.
    Slowly I got used to it and now, I wash like a pro here :P
  3. He knows that one bucket or two buckets, time consumed is a full day.
    At least, it does to me. :-|
  4. He knows that the day you wash, it rains in Chennai.
    Every time I wash, it rains here!! Even if it was sunny the whole day. Roommies ask me to wash when they need a lil bit of rain now. Seriously!
  5. There is one such thing as professional washing. You have to do test rides on a lot of your clothes to get a hang of it. But by then, a lot of your clothes would be good enough to sweep the floor.
  6. Washing machines aint available wherever you go. So better learn to wash!
  7. It is a very very very viable business in and around this place. I, in fact, had plans to start one as soon as I got in here. 
  8. When you are a lazy bum unwilling to wash, you will invariably have a roommie who is right behind you asking you to clean the mess. :P
Yours truly also realized that chocolates lift your mood up. A lot. I am having one as I type this...
In a kinda disturbed state of mind, for no reason whatsoever,

Sep 10, 2010

I was trying to be sweet to someone while I said "Sit!"
And it became "Sh*t na?" :D

Sep 6, 2010

MBA expansion of PMS - Portfolio Management Scheme :P

Aug 29, 2010

The tilt of your hand,
lilt of your voice..
I thought that was enough for me
to admire you..
That twisted smile
and curly hair,
made me smile.
Your smell,
that some quirky walk..
what else would I need to stalk?

And then one day I know,
you are gay.
And that when I lost my hay. :P

Aug 27, 2010

Sometimes, the dumber of the lot still are those that know they are.

Aug 21, 2010

Know what?
If you have not  tried this, try it. NOW!
Ride when it rains, on a bike and spread out your hands and scream.

Or simply, just ride ride and ride at night in a metro. :) Trust me, you should not miss it if you can. In anyway!

Which one do you laugh at?

The things people laugh about when they hear, marks their age.

Kids in KG start giggling when you mention soo soo and pee pee.
In school, it is about the excretory actions of human body.
In teenage, they giggle about sex.
In youth, it turns out to be love.
And then, in mature adulthood, you laugh at people who mention marriage.
At old age, you laugh thinking how you laughed at different things at different ages.

Life is a funny thing if you ask me.

Aug 19, 2010

Bits and Pieces...

Last year, at this time, I was sitting with him. His eyes pierced into mine whenever they could. Whenever the crowd would let him peek into them. Trying 'accidental' touches... Trying to tell me how much he loved being with me... All those seem like yesterday. A year had passed. The sun still rises where it did. The world has not changed. At least not the 'constantly changing' bit of it. But somehow, today, I feel a change coming. Into my life.
As some song in English [no, I aint that English muZic freak you are searching for.] said "We had joy we had fun..", we had a lot of fun.
It was a leap of faith.
Everything from the teeniest bit of my life had changed. And yet remained the same.
Humming along with my iPod, I sat waiting. He had mentioned he had something serious to say. And the sober way he said it, I didnt know what to expect.
And when he came, he was looking so handsome, I felt like giving him a hug and letting him know. But as usual the 'people' part lead me to curb my feelings.
"You look nice today." And a smile. All I could manage.
He managed a nervous smile. But quickly returned to the sober face. God knows what is going on in that mind of his. And it is really serious.
"Lets order a coffee."
"And a tea for you." I added.
He kept nervously looking around while the coffee arrived and then started sipping it. Wordlessly.
He was not , if I may use the word, staring into my eyes today. He was a bit fidgety. He was worried or nervous. I could not point my finger to one.
"Man, either you open your mouth and say what you want to, or am killing you with a broken coffee cup."
He let out a nervous laugh and I felt him ease a little.
Yes, here it comes.. Whatever it is..
And I sat waiting for his next words for what felt like eternity...

PS- I leave it to your imagination what happened next. Depends. :)

Aug 12, 2010

It only takes a bit of love to transform a task into a hobby.

Aug 11, 2010


Life was easier with lesser complications. When you love the complications you have in life, you are between devil and the deep sea and do not know what to choose. - Just an offhand thought...

The other day, I was on phone on the terrace when a hostel mate pulled me away from there and put me under the light. I was all round eyed and asked her what happened.
"Bhoot hote he. Kabhi raat ko pedon ke neeche mat ja." I was totally aghast. She was educated and said something without even wondering if it was true.
Well, on second thought, what our ancestors said had a reason. When people blindly believe it without knowing why, it becomes superstitious. Our ancestors knew about the metabolic activity that happens in a tree at night and how much CO2 goes out in the process and that it could prove fatal with long exposure.
But calling it Bhoot...

Today I am in a very sad mood...
Very. Sad.
I thought I had gotten over all those "mood swings". And no, it is back. With added vigor.
I wish this sad mood would just go away.

When your lips smile and your eyes dont, it shows... :)
I love smiles that come through eyes from the heart. I have not seen many who can do that. When they do that, you have this sudden urge to smile back. I just love that feeling. :)
And yes, I love being the reason someone smiles.

Got a load of work to do. May be I should start soon.
These days, our only prayers are to get a day without two exams or assignments.
Till another post,

Aug 9, 2010

The heated lappy, proof of long time use.
Tired eyes, counting the hours unslept.
Cherries, taken from the empty cocktails.
Wonder when a gal wud be more high!

PS- It aint me btw. :)

Aug 4, 2010

Penning from Comp lab when a class is going on in the class.
Sir chucked me out! :D
Well, though I was listening, he thought I was reading a newspaper. :-|
Anyways, what is a college life without getting a "get out!" ? :P

Aug 1, 2010

Gyan - Let sleeping dogs lie.

Me - Yeah am even singing a lullaby for it. :P

Jul 30, 2010

As the old saying went : Too many cooks spoil the broth.

My MBA version : Too many lappies spoil the presentation.

PS- Lappies are just a sweet name for Laptops. :)

Two Things.

Loving the one who hates you, always changes their attitude towards you. They cant help but start loving you. It is just like "As you sow, so you reap!".
Indifferent, though, is an altogether different story :)

Another thing I discovered this week is that, to get things done, transfer your pressure to the ones that lag. Let them not know you are doing it. They will do what you want. :)

I was trying both the other day. And yes, they work.

Jul 27, 2010

There are some art forms I am really crazy about. Kung Fu, mostly cos of movies, Bharathanatyam, cos it always makes my eyes wet with emotions when a zenith performance happens. The same applies to classical muZic. Well, I wish I could sing like old days.. Long back, when amma always insisted I take singing lessons cos I had a really good voice, I would make it a point to be a rebel. And when both my parents were out of station with their work, I stopped my classes altogether. Yes, I do regret it. From there, my voice has been on a steady decline.
Right now, it is too high pitched I can not take bass on loud. I will resume my muZic classes after I end up in a job. I am sure I will find time. For one thing, I regret it now. And second, I am in dire need of some muZic for and by myself.

And then I remember while I was in school, my muZic mam asked me to join dance classes. But the teeny weeny body of mine would pain like hell every day after the classes. So, my super possessive dad sent her a mail through me saying he restricts my dance classes from then on. And so ended my dance life. May be if I had gone for it, I would have looked lot different from what I am now.
These days, all I get to practice is 'running around dance' and 'communication muZic'.
And my major time pass is Internet. Dad is scared I am back to net addiction.
I wish I did something worthwhile.. Something towards my dream... This place is a lot about slogging your bums off than about achieving knowledge about what you love. But then every B school is. It is upto me to find ways to benefit from here. But then, with the full day run around and work schedule, I dont even get enough rest. Forget the extra stuff I have in mind...

One of these days... Yes, one of these days, I will be the old Jo who does EVERYTHING. The Jill of all trades :)


Jul 25, 2010

My Sun, My World.

My world has not stopped spinning.
The life on it still goes on.
The sun still rises and sets.
Same place same time, same horizon.
But the flowers, they bloom for someone else.
The color of sun is no more red.
I cant make out, I am colorblind.
Let the world spin.
I will wait for it to turn for me again.

Jul 22, 2010

Linguistic Issues!

My language is a mess right now!
Today I could hear myself saying,"So kya?" and "Kuch happened?"

Ab tell! Isn't my language going haywire? :(

Jul 17, 2010

I was wondering.. When a shortsighted person grows old, does his short sight and long sight compensate each other and make his eyesight perfect? :?
Can you imagine what I feel now? I feel like I am in heaven. After all, my muZic is back. With my lappy.
I am sure my mood swings will stop soon.
Dancing in my mind, I wish I had a lot more space. I would have danced for the joy of muZic again.
Dhinak dhin nachun mein! :)
Like a child. Like I had no care in the world. It matters not what others feel about me. It matters for a moment what I have to be after I finish it. My body swings unknowingly. Like I needed this dose of this Morphine.
My dose of morphine, here I come!

PS- One last thing in this post, there is nothing better than muZic to make you feel sexy.

Jul 15, 2010

Grades Degrade :)

A Computer Engineer's Poem

zero one zero zero zero one zero
zero zero one one zero one zero.
zero zero zero one zero zero one,
zero one one zero zero zero one.

This actually is a poem a stupid comp engineer behind me made up in a boring QT class today. :)

Jul 12, 2010

I think a business of rubber backbones would do perfectly well cos we have so many "anonymous" backboneless guys around. :)

To my Anonymous 'Hater'

Preface : I had an anonymous comment with all the possible weird ways of talking. [PS- Read it as abuses, perversion and whatever could possibly go wrong to a human mind.] I deleted it obviously. :)

My reply to you my dear Anonymous fellow:

I know you do not have a backbone to come say that on my face. But I forgive you. It is not your fault anyways. God had his moment of sanity when he decided not to give you a backbone. What if you had a backbone as well? Cant imagine the situation!
So, I pity you, your family [you know whom I am talking about.] and your teeny weeny brain that goes wacko with a drop of alchohol. :)
Dont worry sweetums, you still have time to grow up. :)

Take extra care about that head of yours. Another hit somewhere and you will need serious medical help. :)


PPS- In our place there is a proverb. "Only those trees are thrown at, that produce fruits." Donno if your parents never had time to tell you that. :) But yeah I am happy someone hates me for being me. Cos that would mean he misses something I have. :)

Jul 9, 2010

'Not-so-decent' Post

I am sosososososososoosoooooo sad I cant do prose blogs these days!!! :( :( :(
By the time I get some time on a comp after all that slogging for college, I just want fun.. Nothin else... Or else these days I spend talking on phone. Obviously, my current class mates find my chatter a bit too much to bear for now. But I promise you I will make sure they will miss it by the time I leave this place, like every one of them who has been with me for a long time. ;) And with the signature campaign going on, all time I spend in the college when I am not doing anything else, I spend time socializing with my seniors and obviously with my batchmates :)
Pretty much busy these days to even think about anything but fall on my bed and get some damn sleep.

And yes, I think it is time Mr. A.J. came into light. I asked like every probable person whether it is him. Come on now AJ, you should be telling me who you are. And yes, lately I dont see you here either.
May be cos the quality of my writing have come down tremendously.... :(
One thing I noticed is that definitely my English has deteriorated. Like hell. People ask me if I am a mallu when I speak now. I feel like swearing when I hear that. All that what I had was that and I AM building it right back. No matter what. And all my interpersonal skills are on the downside now. Sitting idle can do that to you... So sad, eh?
Waise can you believe I actually was confused how to approach people during my initial days here??
Yeah, it was that bad. Slowly the guys here have started recognizing me as a talkative gal who is good at it too. :)

This place suits me. Except for the fact that I have become dark, [thanks to the Chennai sun] so much that no one gives me a second look now.  :P The other day, I was comparing my ID card pic and a recent one [remember it is just one month in here] and I was shocked to find my face so damn dark.
Came here thinking I could do some masti in that department. But seems like my number would never come. :D Phir bhi you know, like someone said, shubapti vishwasam.. :P

Ab dekhte he aage kya honga! :D
Till I manage a decent post,

PS- What did you expect? :P Me? And indecent? Chance-ae ille! :P

Jul 1, 2010

Even IIM aspirants search for inspiration from me. :P

A search query that lead to my blog and this guy stayed there for quite some time as well..
Query : how i made it to iim  -> 2.00[pages] 00:11:12[time spent] 100.00%[percent of new visits] 0.00%[bounce rate]

[Waise I am almost sure the browsing for tips wont help this someone to end up in any of the IIMs. Go do some serious work out dude :)]

Jun 26, 2010

"I read Tshirt captions." is a very relevant Tshirt caption.
The idea struck me while reading one. :P

Jun 25, 2010

Speechless - 5

Sorry about the clarity. Click on it and you can view it in the original form :)
In UG, you 'Mug Up'...
In PG, you 'Pick the Mug Up'!

Jun 21, 2010

Love you Appa..

Two weeks into a different life and I realized that I value a lot of things more than I expected. And that one thing I value most, My Appa, to the most loveliest awesomest bestestest dad in the world, I just wanted to say I love you. Appa misses me. Oh, he calls every day to let me know.
"As soon as I enter your room, I feel like crying... Your room used to look so unorganized and used, it would make me scold you almost every day. And now, when I go there, it is a dead place. Tears come to my eyes when I realize you were the heart of this home. This place is dead without you baby.."
Yes Appa, I miss you too. I miss your daily treats, I miss those scoldings I thought I hate, I miss your your weekly advice sessions, I miss your stupid smile everytime I scold you. [:P] I miss that unkempt look you have when you are tired and all spent for the day... I miss everything about you.
I miss your love, your care and just the being of you..
Appa, this is a strange world, I find myself thrown into a new life and asked to bear with it. But I know your blessings will take me far ahead. I have tears in my eyes when I say this.

I remember us together. From when I was a baby of 3 years and you took me to a KG. To the day you came left me at LIBA, with that rare expression of love from you, a kiss. I know you cried on the way back. I didnt. I promised someone I would try to be stoic here. He may or may not see this though.
From "Dont send me to school Appa I want to be with you, to I want to go do the MBA and NOT work", you have seen me grow from dependence to independence, from attachments to self reliance, from fear to love... But I am still your baby at heart Appa. It is awesome just to be your child.
You have fought with me like a bro, scolded me like a dad, seen me through like a guide, I have no idea how I will do without a large part of it in the remaining 3 quarters of my life. I know what you will say now,"You are my child. You will fare well." I hope so too Appa. :)
I have never been too good at expressing love either. But we both know what we feel in our heart, without being said.
I love you Appa. You are MINE! JUST MINE! :)
Ummmmma!! :)
Your Baby!

Jun 16, 2010

Speechless -4

[All I could manage :(]

Things I Learnt Here...

  1. Tamilians wont use other languages if they know you understand their language.
  2. Tamilians have a different thing at every meal time. Morning Sambhar rice, noon Rasam rice, evening Curd rice. And the next day, it would be morning Rasam rice and so on.
  3. They name places either with -pakkams or -pett
  4. Never take a new pair of chappals when you go to a new place. You never know what awaits you there.
  5. Never ever take a Reliance SIM anywhere in the world. -I lost every break trying to make sense to those customer care people of theirs.-
  6. Life is all about having fun. :)
  7. There are people who sweep the floor with two brooms simultaneously.
  8. When you lose your way. you learn another.
  9. Human mind does not have Circular Reference problems unlike the very organized mechanical counterparts.
  10. Computers are sadder than an Alzheimer's hit mind.
  11. Some people have a unique way of complicating things.
  12. A notified surprise test, is an oxymoron.
  13. Language is not a barrier. It is just an inhibition you create for yourself.  [I talk to my Tamilian rommies in English and they reply in Tamil And we understand each other perfectly.]
  14. Friends just happen. :)
Tidbits : -
  • Kids have their own games with the obituary page of a newspaper. You never knew.. Right? Even I didnt. Until I talked about newspaper articles one day. They decide who is the oldest dead man and ceremonially give them the status of a victor, for the day.
  • Someone's comment on Raavan's song.. "behne de" means 'Let me flow' and not 'Give me sisters'.
  • I wonder if it is the same sun that rises in Thrissur and Chennai :P
And finally, Having fun is not an option. It is a necessity. :)

Jun 9, 2010

Lesson for the day :

Orkut, Facebook, Gmail and Blogger are not the only sites on Internet. :P

Jun 8, 2010

First Post From The New Place.

Two days into this college, and my first post. Well well well.. Is the new place agreeing with me? Obviously yes! Is it perfect? Nope. Obviously not.
I remember coming here. My uncle and cousin gave me a pleasant surprise by coming to see me off. In the train, [lemme start from there.] after crossing the Tamil Nadu borders, we get this vendor trying to sell CDs.

A co passenger : Can I get the CDs of Hindi movies?
Vendor : Of course!
She leaves and brings back a bunch of CDs.
He browses through it and says "These are all Tamil."
Vendor : "athaa.. hindi movie thana?"
Hindi movies were all DUBBED into Tamil and even the covers changed.
I realised they loved their language 'too much'.

The rains came with me to Chennai. It rained for two days and they said it was unusual to rain at this time of the year.
Now it is more like the shift from ACs of classes to hot weather of the city during the breaks. I donno if I should get a sweater or abandon the extra clothing.
It is an awesome campus. And the faculty is so sweet and soft spoken, I think Kerala could do with some people like that.

Another aspect of a campus life.
I am dumped with 119 other people to make friends with. Or at least live with, for two years. I like most of them. The rest? I am yet to get acquainted with them. :) One thing was that most knew me from the community and recognized me as soon as they saw me. So it kinda embarrassed me to ask their names. The bad part being, I dont learn names in one go.

Now the first day, I reach there alone. [Dad having left to stay with a colleague of his, was gonna be late.] We are given the schedules and we start off.
During the classes, one gal, Pallavi and I get together and start ranting about how we could not get into a decent hostel. And by the end of the day, we had become pretty close acquaintances. And we step out of the Insti and see our dads chatting like there is no tomorrow outside. By the time I had made friends with her, her dad and my dad had managed a rapport on their own.
I met up with the others I had acquainted online. One 'rowdy' who turned out to be a sweet guy in person.. One Ophy, who turned out to be cute and sweet. And incidentally, a guy who had added me from the community and tried flirting in the first chat [we never had another, I blocked him], turned out to be a fraud who never really was admitted to LIBA.
People are different in person from their online personas.

Another thing is, I donno if it is sad or good, I am not homesick. At least not yet. I enjoy this atmosphere [as in the campus atmosphere, not the climate] I enjoy being on my own for once. I enjoy the freedom of making my own decisions. Like which one to buy and which not to. Where to stay and where not to. Talking about stay, Pallavi and I actually went asking for PG facilities in the neighborhood on our own. That, for me was a first. And for her. She is a Bengali, pampered by parents as much as mine did to me. It makes me proud that we actually hunted for houses in a new place with a communication problem.
When we finally manage to do something, the joy is tremendous.

About classes, the schedule is kinda ok now. 9am to 5pm. But will soon be a 8am to 9.30pm schedule, or that is what the profs frighten us with. But I love the learning part of this life. Really.
There are all kinds of things coming up. I am excited about it.
This looks like a journal entry now. But that is how I exactly feel about the stay here. I have loads of plans for these two years. Hope some of them come true. :)

I used to wonder why they took me in when better qualified people [at least in my perspective] were not. I got my answer today. It was all about my attitude. I made it clear I was eager to learn, [which I really am]. And to convince them about why I chose this field.
I am happy I made it here.
Today, a senior who is doing her interns along with an IIM-ite was sharing her experience with us and she was saying how some of the classes we have here about are not even touched upon in IIMs. But brand value certainly is an advantage. :)

Till I can grab a couple of hours after the classes before its dark here, [I walk back to hostel]
See you all.
Trust me, I love what I am doing now. I donno about tomorrow. But tomorrow is yet another day. :)

Jun 3, 2010


One day, I was chatting to a friend of mine when I realized how much I am addicted to this internet thingy..

Him : It is better than someone telling me my story is all plagiarized.
Me : No! Who said that? :-o
Him : A close friend once said so. :P
Me : When? And what did you say?
Him : I was dropping him on my bike to the bus stop. And he says this. :(
So temme, what would I have said? How would I have reacted?
Me : I donno.. I have never pissed you off till date. :P So.. What was it?
Him : You know me.. What would I have said?
Me : Got me in a fix :D
You wud ve said "You really want me to drop you in the bus stop right? " :D
Him : That reaction happens only in a relaxed mood.
Me : Eashwara! What will you say!
Him : Guess.
Me : You must have sent him a smiley. :?
Him : No smileys in real life dear.. :P He said it while I was giving him a lift to bus stop. :D

Anyways the chat went further so...

Him : You are too bad at guessing.
  The answer
  "I kept mum"
 me: I told you!!!!!
I mean that was what I had been bursting to say
  But you said you "said" somthing!!@@
 Him : :D Forgive me for that.

I will be into my de-addiction center soon. :P College. Wont have much time to be online too I guess. I am sad I will not able to blog. I am sad I wont be able to take care of my blog much. But I might just find a way. ;)

Till then, do take care. :)
Love you all! :)

PS- I do use a lot of smileys while I chat eh?

May 30, 2010

A Memorable Yesterday...


I said no to an outing cos I didnt know what to wear. [Now that, is a first time for me. I usually just wear something and go. And I didnt know I was doing it, until I had done it.]

I bargained. I mean like real well. This time I even sounded like dad. Usually if I have money, I dont bargain.

I saw a film of a Malayalam 'superstar' and actually liked it. That was one of the films after he gained weight like an elephant.

Dad didnt scold me when the Internet bill came. [Obvious reasons. :D ]

And I have started to take note of the conversations I have with people. Not just blabber away and forget it. :)

Life has changed a bit.. :)

May 27, 2010

Speechless -1

Lemme know what ya think!

What 'not' !

Usually we do the 'Be the Roman in Rome' thing and decide if the society thinks it is good, it is and do it. Although it helps getting along with people, I think it is lame in one way. You like what you like.

1. I see people making mayhem over Monalisa.
I dont understand what all the hullabaloo is all about. I dont think she has a smile or sadness on her face. I think its just a fat gal with no eyebrows! [You never noticed that before. Did you? :D ]
She is toooo fat if you ask me. I bet the model died of obesity related reasons soon after the painting.
And the veil thingy he tried, I dont think it looks any good to me.
Tell you what? Now,

This is something that impresses me.
But of course, we believe what the west says is good, is good! Pathetic!

2. I dont think Aishwarya Rai looks any good! Sushmita Sen does!
Aishwarya looked good initially, I admit. But the hype even now? I dont get it.

Just watch the stupid ad for "Longines"[Prima Luna].
The one where she simply walks around with no story line and the whole ad is based on this walking around.
When they show her face, just look at those wrinkles that show obviously and compare it with the "MohabatteinAsh. The " Mohabattein" Ash looks angelic and the "Longines" one looks all artificial ; not to mention, old.

I think she better start thinking about a baby unless she wants to never have one. But that is MY opinion. The Bacchchan family may do whatever they wish!

3. I dont think Shakespeare's plays are great.
No, it bores me to death. He certainly had a good vocab compared to his contemporaries. But I think that is just about it. All those people who think the plays are great, try reading any one of them in their unabridged versions [i.e. the way he wrote it]. I bet most would be sleeping before 10 pages.
It was just a show off for people of his time to go for those plays. If his vocab was not the common man's, certainly none understood what the actors said... You know, the high society thing!

Well, I have no patience anyways.

PS- I am putting in a new experiment in my blog.. A situation where, whatever you say, how much ever you explain, wont make sense, is presented graphically. [Or as much graphics my patience lets me put in.]
"Speechless", is what I call it.
I hope I can continue it at Chennai...


May 25, 2010

English 'Passed Away'...

Check this community's Description!
Talk about education! :-|

@ Courtesy: Arun KA, who brought this into my notice. :)

May 20, 2010

Some 'Punny' Questions...

There are some books that I wish I could read again. Why?
Why cos, I wish I had the patience to go through the book again and take every line I hated in there and criticize it.

Why do they name hurricanes with gals' names? - I ask.
"To catch the fishermen's attention" - He replies!

Two incidents a friend shared.. [He is not working in Kerala FYI!]

1."Once I was talking to a mallu frnd of mine on phone.. About going for a movie..
He was asking about some timings and I was asking him everytime "athinu pono, atho vere pono?"
Sometime later after the call, my colleague behind asked "You keep talking about porno all the time.. Dont you?

2.Another phone call oveheard from his cabin..
"Sir I cant find it under the shelf.."
"Where sir, I cant hear you!"
"Sorry sir, under the desk you mean?"
"Sorry sir, under where, under where sir?"
[Ok, ^ that one, needs to be heard to be understood. Imagine it in your head.. ;) ]

I was visiting a tee shirt shop [window shopping actually] with an [1]8 year old gal [no points for guessing who..] and she screams
"Virginity is the lack of opportunity! Did you ever think of that?!!!"
[No of course I didnt think of it you moron! ...But will be all what I think of for a week now!]
Shoppers had stopped everything they were doing and stared.
Oblivious to all these, she jumped looking at another tee comparing gals with landscapes or something..

Lets just say that was an embarrassing 'tee shopping' moment at the very least.

May 17, 2010

Why did that someone leave?

You meet some people in this life.

Then they go on, make you get used to them..

They manage to become the world for you..

And then ...

... they have to walk away. 
They are leaving ...

 ... to prepare to receive you, in the next birth.

To take time and learn to become better for you. To be the best for you...

God's plans never go wrong ...

May 16, 2010

Too Bad at Being Sick!

[One day...]

Oh! the OTHER sick!! I had to tell someone who misunderstood the 'ill-sick' or 'not well-sick' to be the 'feel bad-sick'. :|
I say I am sick and tada, the bad me is out of the sack. [Ok not like I am perfect at other times. But sometimes I can be horrible.]

Day before yesterday, a sudden chill runs through my spine and I find it verrry unusual. Does it stop with the chill? No! From there, I get these tired limbs, creaky and painful joints and lightheadedness and this feeling that I might never be able to walk using my limbs again. The fever plays its own game, peekaboo.
Spirits really run low. Just mine. Initially I just try thinking I am imagining stuff. When I could stand up no more without support, I know I am going down now.

And I hit bed. When the chill comes, I switch the fan off. And when it goes away, I start sweating. And the worst part was, I could not move. Moving ached. Out of the blue! You know, I had not gone into the rain, no fever inducing activities and this guerrilla attack was just that. A guerrilla attack. :|

My temper starts running high and I dont stick to any channels. Browse browse and srowse. [Ok, that was drowse. Oops! Browse. Just that I am a bit drowsy.]
So, then, the stupid remote control stops working. Like I was gonna tolerate that.
That was the remote flying to a remote area. ;)
I hear some shattering. I amass all my strength and walk upto the area of destruction [obviously, the remote wont walk back to me!] and see a very nice showpiece whose nose is broken. And out dear remote with its batteries out.
I put the showpiece back so the flowers hide the nose. [By the time someone finds that nose out, the statue would be out of vogue. ;)]
I bring back the remote and try making it work. No. It just wont.
So, what do you do in such 'emergency situations'?
Go use the TV controls! What were you thinking? :?
I did exactly that. And yeah, put the remote on the floor.

Enough of TVing I decide and try some lying around. Which is more like just switching off the TV. So no luck.
And then I manage to get some 40 winks when the goddam landline rings!
Which is like having to walk half a Kilometer to just pick it up, considering my 'pathological condition'. So I curse the one who invented landline and wondering why he or she could not just have straightaway invented the cellphone.

I pick it up.
"Hello this is your tailor. Is Meghna home?"
I try hanging up when the female at the other end says something. So I cant hang up yet. [And go lie down, my tired body adds]
"Actually I have two neck designs here. One with a square neck and piping that makes a window across."
"What?" My mind tries to decipher that.
Of course she is not a mind reader so she just carries on.
"And the other is a petal neck. Any idea which one is for her salwar?"
"No I dont. I was not there when you wrote it."
"But you are her sis. You would know what she wants."
"No. "
"Please.. Just try remembering..."
"Remembering?? You know, why dont you do one thing? CALL LATER AND ASK HER YOURSELF!"
Yeah, my bad, I shouted.
She hangs up.
And constant interruptions to my sleep by something or the other.

The only good part about being sick is that your family shows more care then. Dad goes all berserk initially, blaming food to weather to habits for the ailment. This time around, it was paneer for him. "You eat paneer from god-knows-where and end up like this!" "When I said be careful, you didnt listen!" "Suffer now!!!"
If I get through that phase, he transforms into the most caring fellow in the whole world. He suddenly remembers things you wanted in the past and comes home with it, without being asked.

Sis, who is really cold at other times, cooks for you and makes sure you feel a bit better at least.

Mom, who is too busy at work, calls up and puts up with my cranky behavior.
[An afterthought, I love my awesome family! Just love them. We are not perfect individuals. But We are complete together. With all our shortcomings.. :) ]

I am back to health now. And back to eating junk. Or whatever I feel like, covers the "junk".
This time, the fever lasted two days. And as someone said, you dont get much of it at other times anyway. So, while you have it, enjoy it.
In Chennai, I wont have a dotting dad or fighting sis or a mumbling mom. I will have peers who fight for a better GPA than me. I will have a hot climate. I will have new surroundings, different food.. You fall sick, you fall back.
So, these days, that is what I do.. Enjoy with family and friends here..

I hope one day, I can write the same about Chennai too.. I have a lot of prejudices for that place. And I have been cautioned too. But I hope the place has more good to offer me than bad.
So, two years down the lane, I can write that I loved being there.
Amma calling me for breakfast...
Cheerz till I see you again. Without a cliche post preferably!
Durga Nandan

May 10, 2010

For me, there is only one person who has to approve me.
And that is Me.

Roses Are Red and Grasses Are Green

The red of my sky, the green of my garden,
brings me hope, of a new day, the new dawn.
Beholden my friend, -we all are-
For this another chance, for the better, perchance.

The grass seemed greener, the horizon closer,
But the land never met skies, even on the other side.
Refrain my friend, -we all should-
For this land, is our own mother's hand.

Building ties, cessation of cries,
in no way surpassed the insecure past.
So, hold back my friend, -you too must-
For you never know what will stab your back.

May 8, 2010

I have shadows everywhere, I thought they basked in my glory. But it was the sun. And I lost all the fun.

May 3, 2010

Straight From the Heart.

Today, I was browsing through Alcoholics Anonymous online, when I dropped into a gay support group site. Neither am I an alcoholic, nor a gay. My curiosity was aroused as I read some incidents they shared and I went from link to link reading about how life is for people who are gay and can not get support from their dear and near cos it is a taboo in our country. At least according to what today's society has decided for us.

A person can follow any religion he wants, or stay an atheist. Nobody finds that 'sick'. But being gay is not something people can come out with and still be social. I mean, you cant help being a gal. You cant help being a guy. It is kinda the same, you cant help being gay I guess. You can dress up like a guy if you are a gal and like a gal if you are a guy but you ultimately remain whatever you are. Nobody finds that sick.

When my friends read this, they might as well freak out wondering what is with this gal. But it is just that I feel they have their right to lead a normal life even if that does not sound normal to us.
I found people who are contemplating suicide cos they are not able to live this double life anymore.
I found people who have come out of the closet, in constant fear of attacks.
I found people who are forced to marry straight just cos the parents fear society. They themselves fear society.

I had typed out in the past about why I think they should be let to live. But then, I was afraid how my post would be received. So deleted them once I reached somewhere. I can only imagine how people who have to bring out life changing revelations like being gay would feel.

Btw, onto the lighter side, I saw this on one of the communities for homosexuals online.

Questions for Heterosexuals

developed by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

4. Is is possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of
the same sex?

5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in Gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?

7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you wouldn't prefer that?

8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?

9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?

11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, healthy, God-given homosexual potential?

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to
narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such
unhealthy role-playing?

16. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

17. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

18. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual, considering the menace of overpopulation?

19. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you really want to.
Have you considered aversion therapy?

20. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?

I could not help smiling when I thought those questions I asked in mind to them, could be the questions they ask me.
I told some of my friends I was blogging about LGBT people.
First person reacted "OMG!"
Second, So which r u? L or B?
Third, oh...shit...

And so on and on.. I didnt know people had issues with this. Until now. Felt like typing my thoughts in here..

PS- On a very personal note, this world and its people is pretty career minded to care long term for friendships.
I wonder how people managed to survive till this day. Or do I have this affinity to careerists that is unique to just me? I would not know..

PPS- Iam at fault. Big one.


May 1, 2010

Moving on...

When was the last time I wrote about mobiles? Well, if I remember correctly, it must be when my mob 'died' the last time. I lost my appetite and sat around staring at it for a long time. And tried everything to make it come alive. And it did.

6th year running, this mobile has been one of those things -very rare I must add- that saw me through a lot. I will spare you the emo-saga. That mobile knew how to keep me engaged most of the time. Or whenever I needed to be.
In these 6 years, my mob had just one technical problem [some IC had stopped working, whatever an IC is.] . And I had to run from store to store just so I could get it serviced. I would not say repaired cos there are some things that are repaired. More regal ones, serviced.
This was regal. Loyal. Awesome. And then, the switching offs that it frequently staged when I was out of order. Call it coincidence if you wish. But I think it knew my heart.

Like many other things I use, this one had this i-donno-what-its-called kinda bond with me.
To iterate, once, while I was not home, an aunt of mine came home. And she goes upstairs to my room -I hate anyone inside my room. Esp not when I am not inside it.- and sees this very ordinary clock [some 15 years old at least!] in my showcase. Dont ask me why I kept the clock in a showcase rather than on the wall, even though it was a wall clock. Ok, for those who asked, I could not just bear to put a hole on my room wall. Freak or what?
So, this aunt takes a liking to it and she asks my dad whether she could have it. Dad, the all beneficent, consents and allows her to take whatever she wanted from there.
I come back that evening and find my clock missing.

"Dad!!" [Of course I know its dad's work. Mom or sis knows not to give away my stuff.]
"What dear?"
"My clock??"
"Aunt came and asked and I gave it to her."
"You didnt!!"
"We will get you a new clock!"
"Why dont you do one thing? Buy one new and give it to her? I want my clock back here now!"

After long hours of persuasion and crying, dad manages to soften me up a bit. And the phone rings.

"What kind of clock was that?? It does not work!"
It was the aunt. And I had picked it up fortunately.
"Bring it back, its mine and we will give you a new one."
She brings it back and as soon as I put it back where it belonged, it starts working.
You decide.

This time, I am giving up my mobile. I just meant using it. Mom already told dad to make a space for my mob in the showcase. Cos she was sure I was not gonna throw it away. And right she is!
I could service it again. But I am not. It is time to move on. [Does it now sound like a broken hearted lover? :D]
I am already contemplating on new models. May be I learned it is stupid to mourn and fuss over things like that. Just like people die, gadgets have a life span. May be none of you would be able to relate with how I feel about this mob.

And the pink hut, I have no idea if it would fit my new phone. But I am sure that aint going anywhere either.
Things, -and people- I love and love me, stay with me. Forever. Or until they choose to leave.

Like it or not, you are going to stay with me. Dead or alive. I know you have no voice to make a choice. But I am sure if you did, you would choose staying.
Thanks for just being there. I love you.

I sat last night without sleep, staring at it getting charged. It would not switch back on even after hours of charging.
Guess it is time to move on.. I will.. :)

PS- I am in search for a model with qwerty keyboard, within 15k [all included] , 3G preferred, USB, GPRS enabled, min 16GB memory [expandable], muZic friendly [though not built just for muZic] and lookwise, great model, with a good track record. [Does that sound tooooo techy?]
If you have something in mind, just post a comment giving me a link to the specifications.. Would be helpful. :)
I found one though I am not sure if it is one of those obsolete models.

Update : That is not as old as I felt. In fact I guess I will have to wait till it hits the stores. Nokia E5 caught my eye. ;)

Apr 27, 2010

A Delirious Dream

Green and brown grass, intermittent, alternating. I fly over them trying to make
shapes out of them. Squares mostly.
I fly on, to see a building. An old one. But grandeur marks its presence anywhere. A gargoyle on it, with mashed face, looks upto heaven. A bodyless hand on
the mashed side. The reason for the disfigurement.

I love being mad. It is my opium.

I fly up. Look down. See a stair leading to a corridor.
Pieces of broken glass. On the corridor's wooden floor and the stairs.
I feel like walking on them. I feel it would feel good.
A black cow or bull, I donno which. Across my path.Can the river submerge us? This building?

I take off again. On a weird bird now. It has a crown but still looks
weird and its head looks upward.
Suddenly I see the building, a palace presumably, stretches all the way up. And what I saw what just a part of it.
I see a horse figure. Its mouth acts like a water source. Showers
water. A wicked monkey figurine beneath. Showing faces.
I fly on.

I am sad my dream, or vision or whatever it is called was disturbed then. Wish I could out in pictures so you could feel what I felt. But, there are no pics to describe that vision yet.
Mind, is the most amazing things of all. What you imagine, takes a lot of genius to realize.
I am the owner of one such. I cant help being amazed.

Apr 21, 2010


So. I am gonna be somewhere again. Big deal for me. Studies gonna greet me again "Long time no see!". I hope all my neurons aint dead yet.
Had a tough time convincing my super possessive dad. Yeah I admit there are cons for being a daddy's gal. But secretly, I love it. ;)

The past days tested me. A lot. Jobless, hopeless and what not!
I watched 2012 yesterday. Right after we finished, it started thundering and raining. Truth is, it frightened me a bit. :) From a gal with zero tolerance to films and great affinity to scripts, to this! Certainly an achievement. :P
Thanks to a friend of mine.

My realization : One day, if the world ends, and you know it, you will run to do what is most important for you. Imagine this, is the last day. And you will know what you value the most in your life. Do it. One day, who knows, the world will really end. And then, lets not die in regret..

Now to the thanking part. I got into a good insti. - LIBA, here I come!- :) A number of people contributed. And mine, must be the smallest contribution of the lot.

Amma, Appa, for their sarcasm. Their sarcasm is a boost for me. Love them. My Don n Diva! The best couple I have ever met.
My lovely sis, for supporting me while I fought. And for believing in me.
A friend, who listened to me when I ranted on and on about how I was never gonna make it in life. And believed in me, more than myself. Thanks. :)
KA, for asking me to apply to LIBA.
Suraj, for teaching me tricks. And telling me something good is in store for me every time I ranted.
G3, for giving me her CL password and saying "Go work out gal!" [though I didnt use it much, I loved the gesture.]
Uncle, aunt, Sruthi, for taking care of me during my GDPI. And Sruthi, thanks for saying I ll make it. And repeating it while I kept worrying.
Amit, again for believing in me. :)
Roopa, for the books, the combined study [combined gossiping rather. :P ] Her mom, dad n sis for making me comfy at their place. :)
Anton, the one who kept telling me I should live my dream. Thanks bro! :)

To everyone who prayed, thanks. :)
There were atheists who prayed to their Jupiters and agnostic gods. Just this time. For me.
Thanks guys. :)
To my plants and soil, on whom I worked when I was frustrated.

Getting to know my future batch mates now. And really apprehensive about the course. My lazy bones should start working again. :(

I know its a dry post. But could not help thanking all. :)

Apr 17, 2010

A Strong Weak.[?]

So, here is yet another Saturday... I am sitting with a hot cup of cappuccino my sis made for me. And looking back, A very busy kinda week. Monday and Tuesday, classes. Wednesday, tour with friends. Thursday tour with family. Friday Saturday, classes again. And when I am not travelling or teaching, I am in front of the TV or comp. Or reading.
Plan to go out for a treat tomorrow and the day after.

Now to things I noticed this week.

Famous people die. And their long lost relatives make money and fame by writing books and giving interviews. They try to disentangle the past experiences with the famous-dead so much that it makes our head spin trying to decide what a happening life they had. We even think the long lost brotherly cousin and sisterly somebody should have been famous, instead of the dead someone. No bonus points for guessing whom I just pulled the legs of. :P

Tharoor is an idiot at being discreet.
He is into a hell lot of controversies that I hate looking at the newspapers now for the fear of seeing another of his pics. Sunanda, IPL, Tweets [Oh man, he really does not know diplomacy.]... And what not? What is he searching for? A star status? Usually relationship gossips surround stars. Man, you have better ways to do that, if these are all intentional. The media is minting money using him and the 'aura' around him.

While you watch a song, especially in Hindi films, dont watch the main actors. I ll tell you what is more entertaining. Look at the extras. The ones behind. They keep dancing with a look that make us snort. Like they are the lead actors. Just watch it. You will have fun. ;) Trust me.

People in your life are only as important as you let them be. The moment you oust them from your mind, the world can run smoothly even without them.

Big words and lots of current affairs [man, I dont sneak my boss to read another of those newspapers online!] do not make a good Blog. Good humor sense and the use of it takes you places.
Like someone put it,
Don’t use words too big for the subject. Don’t say “infinitely” when you mean “very”; otherwise you’ll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.
There is nothing like your family. You fight with them, you know that is not the last fight. You kiss them, you know they will kiss you back. You fail, the next time you have a fight, they dont remember to mention that so you feel setback. Whatever they give you, is heartfelt. It is a bond that never breaks.

What I learned...
I learned that to be what you want to be, takes hell lot of time and effort. And a lot of bummers.
Exactly when you think it is all over, things might be on the brink of another makeover. Something better, special. So, just push that little bit more. And tada! Never give up.
I learned that friends are those that come to you when you say 'no leave me alone, I deserve the pain'.
I learned being angry does not mean I can be cruel and hurt people.

And life is filled with weeks and months and years and decades like this one.. I am actually looking forward to the learning part. :)
Cheerz to Life!

Apr 14, 2010

I just forgave that someone. :)
I am peaceful inside now. :)
I like talking things out. I did it this time too. Feeling real better.

Apr 13, 2010

This and That.

Peace with self. Actually everything else comes after it. Today, while I was praying [Atheists, please ignore this sentence. I hope one day you get a chance to read it. Agnostics, you are welcome, it is your call. Believers, please continue. :)] I wondered what was more important than happiness. Peace. And not outside. Inside you.
The world could be in chaos and if your inside is brimming with peace, nothing affects you.

Your house gives you protection. What if the insides are dirty? Insides themselves are a threat? The insides eat you. And you die from the inside. When you are angry with someone, the anger dirties your mind. Kills you in a way. Takes away the life you are having otherwise. Every negative emotion does that.
I forget fast. Especially these negative emotions. Unless I hate that person or thing a lot. Then it lingers. Lingers and sometimes eats me from inside. I have to work hard to forgive or forget then. Not that hating someone changes anything about them. Or forgiving either. So, basically, it just affects me. Why kill myself for someone I hate?

When you love something, there is nothing better than it for you. So then one day you find something better, then you are finally out of love with that thing. Some stick to former thinking about the commitment part. Others just move on to this new thing. I am thinking of moving over to a new mobile. And with it, a lot of things will get changed. Lots of things amassed from last 5 years..

Coming to lighter stuff, you know, these days I have taken a liking to nose rings. It is sexy I have to admit. And I want to try one out myself. In fact, I checked out the fancy stores for one. But the thing about me is, I have this exact one in my mind. I have not yet met my match. Some people tell me it makes me look like a gangster. Of all the looks I want, a gangster would not hurt. :D

And a good news. My sis goes through my blog now. :) Welcome aboard babe. Just don't tell amma  n appa I am someone else here. ;) Though it would be great for me if you grace my blog with your comments.

And my kids, I learnt something from the experience there. First impressions don't last. The ones that impressed me in the first three days, lag. Some silent ones are better learners. I like this new perspective. That of a teacher. You know, what they say is right. I can see everything from where I stand. In the front. And I notice better now.

Had a wonderful time with friends today. :) Thanks to them! The couple [ :P ], Anupettan, Suraj, Suhas.. We should have had Ka too with us. He missed a lot of fun.
Not in a great mood these days. Trying to forgive someone. For some hurt. And forget that what hurts. Not an easy job. The trip certainly helped a lot. Thanks guys! :)

PS- Thanks to Suraj and his parents for that feast! The trip..The treat.. The jokes.. Leg pulling.. Everything. I loved every moment I spent with ya guys. Dil Se! :)

Apr 8, 2010

Two days with 'em..

Two days.
Two days into an experiment. Whether I could be a good teacher or not. Nope. I am just getting used to being the adult among kids. I have always been the kid among adults. You know, when kids look upto you in everything you do, it is a bit uncomfortable if you are acting like one. I mean, I cant scold a kid for being late if I myself am late. So, they might slowly change me. For the better.
I have students from classes 5th to 9th. The class for 10th standard has not started yet.
The youngest are the most active and I find myself in some of them.
They notice everything from the fact that I am wearing a jeans to my chudidar top, to the purse I carry, to the way I walk.. It is like you are on scrutiny every moment.

Sometimes, they bring out awkward but painful things and I would not have anything to say. Today I was telling them about the need of a job and about taking care of parents when they finally stand on their legs.. And a kid gets up and says "I cant take care of my parents. They are gone." He just does.
I could not say anything. I mean, what do I say?
I have to learn that.

The first day, yesterday that is, I enter the space for staff after the class and one guy jumps off his chair. "Wow! This is my chechi [elder sis]!!!"
Oh yes, this kid was the younger bro of one of my classmates from school. Wow, that is like, five years out of school and what? Him being 3-4 years younger to me? And he still remembers. :)
So, the kids who had tagged along with me to the staff space, they look at me in awe. I am someone great for the sir they respect and love. So, for the kids, I am SOMEONE. You know how kids are!
And then S [that bro I told you about] and me catch up on our lives after school. He had acquired a weird nick name too. Jillu :D
Suddenly my phone vibrates. I jump. Had put it my jeans pocket. Five years living with it and I still haven't gotten used to it vibrating on my hip bone.
Anyways, I pick it up and listen to a good news. One of my class mates, just out of the labor room. Baby gal. :)

Then slowly my mind works on it... Oh man, am I getting verrrry old? :(
Nah nah! I tell myself. They married early.
As I was lost in thoughts, a kid announces.
"Sir, I have a secret to tell you."
"This is my sis. You can say it in front of her alright."
"No sir. Please?"

I interrupt and say "Why dont you go listen to what she has to say?"
I was trying to curb back my 'feelings' that I aint having a family of own yet, when I heard this urgent whisper, pretty audible..
"Sir, Athul today stopped me after class and told me that he will let me go only if I told him I love you."
I was like "WHAT??!" And a grin bloomed on my face. Kids this age..!! [Now I even sound old.:D Dont I?]
"What did you say?"
"I called his sister. And then he tells her he didnt do it. 'You think I will do that?' All filmy style blackmail."
"I will talk to him. Dont worry."

And the girl leaves. I still have the smile plastered on my face. And the sir near me exclaims, "Have not even cleared the boards yet and he walks around saying I love yous. I am catching hold of that little mischief!"
Then I lose it and start laughing.
S comes back and says "They trust us. We got to understand chechi.."

The senior sir told me how to deal with kids. Not that I am good at it now. I am learning. :) Happily learning. I always loved kids you know.. :)

CheerZ to the kids that are still innocent. :)

PS- Today, I was sleeping and I get up. The outside was hazy. I check my mob for time. 1.57. "Great! Now the mob's clock is not working anymore! It is 7.57! OMG! I am late for the class!"
Then I looked outside again. Oh! It was raining outside and it WAS 1.57pm. :)
Two days and I am already having night[day]mares about missing classes! Hehe.. ;)

Apr 6, 2010

My scores are directly proportional to my frustration. I owe gamers. And English. :)
I play with a robot. This thing knows ALL the right moves that it pisses you every once in a while.
I start taking classes from tomo. I hope I turn out a good teacher. Amma was one before she turned to banking.
I want to be too. :)

Wish me luck!

Apr 5, 2010

Life is Unfair. So are..

The world is unfair. I know everybody a bit grown up knows that. Still. My blog has always been about things I learn from life. So cant HELP[!!!] exclaiming when things are so unfair.

So I play Scrabble and grumble and shoot people.
Not the real shooting, though if given a fair chance, I would. The more angry I am, the more successful in killing I am.

I feel like I should be unfair to people too. Just to prove that I can contribute to the whole unfair system of life.

Sometimes, I remember someone's words.
"God must be either an idiot or a child with all the materials to create world. Nobody else would make chaos when you are omnipotent."
He is right. I would not. If I were god. Unless I have the selfish motive of people remembering and pleading to me. But selfishness is supposedly a human trait?

I hate things being imposed upon me. It is my life and I want it my way. But no. Just so people tend to act first and think later, I end up paying sh*t for what they do. All they need to do is do another Pilate. Safe and secure. But then words said can be 'Taken Back'. And promises, retracted and broken.

When you fail or are idle for too long, you start believing you are not worth it. I have been idle for so long that I dont know if I would be able to cope with the daily workload once I start doing something. Or whether I would be upto it.
The other day, I was lunching with some of my friends when one guy said

"You know, your this friend is immensely intelligent.. The arguments he brings on while with you.."
"I argue with him. And I even win every once in a while!! So should nt I be called intelligent too?"
"Hey! I never said you are not intelligent. Only said he is.."
Another chips in "Yeah she does nt believe she is intelligent anymore. All that inferiority that has accumulated in her in the past year.."
I groan in my mind at this realization. Oh maaaaaan!!

And then, I come home to find that this something else has gone wrong. And to add to it, somebody keeps telling me I am insecure. You know, sometimes it is too much to hold on.

Anyways, I just learnt one thing. It is not just life, but people too can be unfair to you. Suck it up,. You got no choice. Other than to give up.

I wonder when I will be my better self...