Nov 2, 2012

Mummy, Mother and Nirvana

Life is actually a mirage. I mean, I am not trying to imitate any big shots or big thoughts. It is just that I was reading up on some chinese monks who mummified themsleves. May be a masochistic practice or just a practice they feel is right to reach Nirvana. But, somehow it made me all depressed. I kinda went 'into' their shoes and wondered how they felt, for some time. May be, they did it because it was a norm. Or for fame when they are dead. Or just to do that last experiment that might take them to enlightenment. I am kinda depressed. Some people are so selfless that they can harm themselves to death. Or I dont know if I should say they are so selfish that they harm themselves to death to attain the status of Buddha.

And it also made me think - Whatever a person does, be it working asses off in a corporate world, or just meditate in the expectation of attaining nirvana, finally everyone dies.

I have no clue what happens to us after death. May be we have another life and world waiting for us. Or may be we just stop existing. The sense of 'self' makes me feel there is a 'soul'. But that too, I am not really sure if it can travel beyond death. Whether you stop feeling the sense of self when you die.

People die. We mourn. And then, we forget and move on. They are remembered only when things/ people/ matters they affected during their life and after their death by some kind of actions or inactions come to surface. Otherwise, like the billions that lived and died till date, we also live and just die out.

The need to do something outstanding, outlasting or remembered and used for ever, might be considered selfish or selfless. But I somehow feel that by any person on earth, any volountary action performed by a sane person has a selfish reason behind it. Even Mother Teresa. She must have done it for seemingly selfless reasons for us. But for her, it brought her closer to her God. It brought her happiness and satisfaction at what she was doing. I still applaud what she did for humanity. I am just saying, it was selfish in some way.

Anyway, these Chinese monks have a peculiar way of bringing realizations. Dont they? :)
They did. At least to me.

Oct 18, 2012

ആരു നീ?

ചെഞ്ചായം പൂശിയ വാനശോഭയില്‍,
നടന്നകലും നിഴലായി ഞാന്‍
എങ്ങോ പോകും സൂര്യത്തേജസ്സും തേടി,
ഇന്നുമീ യാത്ര തുടരുന്നു.

ഒഴിഞ്ഞ മാറ്വില്ലേ , ഇരുട്ടിന്‍ ചിത്രമായ്‌
വന്നു നീ  ഇന്നും എന്‍ ഇരുട്ടകറ്റാന്‍ വെമ്പുന്നു; അറിയാം.
എന്നാലും, കൊഴിഞ്ഞ ഇലയിലെ,
കരിഞ്ഞ വേനലും, കരിഞ്ഞ നെഞ്ചില്‍ പതിഞ്ഞ കാല്പ്പാടും...
അത് മാത്രം. അത് മാത്രം ആണ്  ഇപ്പോള്‍ നീ.


Sep 23, 2012

The dark side of the mirror.

I went to the other side of the mirror. I wanted to see how the world was. on the other side.
They ate with their left hands. They had no sense of directions. They turned right for left and left for right. I kept hitting people everywhere I went. But it was a new way of looking at people. Something I had not gotten used to. It has this newness that invigorated me. Try that some time.

Aug 10, 2012

Free Money Anyone?

Koo Chin Nam & Co.
Suite 507, P.O. Box 39, Wisma Methodist
Lorong Hang Jebat
Kuala Lumpur 50150
Malaysia

Good day!

I am Koo Chin Nam, Attorney at law. A deceased client of mine, that shares the same last name as yours, who died as the result of a heart-related condition in March 12th 2005. His heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family in the tsunami disaster on the 26th December 2004 in Sumatra Indonesia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/

2004_Indian_Ocean_earth quake

I have contacted you to assist in distributing the money left behind by my client before it is confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this deposit valued at nine million dollars (US$9million dollars) is lodged. :(

This bank has issued me a notice to contact the next of kin, or the account will be confiscated.I will like you to acknowledge the receipt of this e-mail as soon as possible via my private EMAIL:( koochinnamlawfirm@yahoo.com ) and treat with absolute confidentiality and sincerity. I look forward to your quick reply.

Best regards,
Koo Chin Nam
Attorney At Law.




Dear Mr./Mrs/Miss Koochinam

I am so happy they give out money to people sharing last names. Unfortunately my last name is not anything Mongolian/Sumatran/Chinese. I think you made a mistake.
BTW, I have some questions for you. And some points to point out.


  • Why was nt the money given to anyone till 2012? Were you waiting for the ghost of your client to come and give it out?
  • And I would certainly like to meet the manager of the branch. Somehow, NPA rules are different in you place.
  • And I dont know of any attorneys who use smileys in a solicitation letter. Wow, Indonesia must have improved a lot in communication openness. 
  • And I like the address. "Suite 507". I am sure many other "deceased" clients gave you enough money to buy/ rent that one.


This is my personal blog. So, I have dealt with your mail with  "absolute confidentiality and sincerity". :P
But yeah, very sweet of you to offer me the 9 million dollars. Kinda dont have place to keep it. Am sure someone who has enough vaults to keep aaaaaaall that money in, will take it.

Regards and a lot of RESPECT!
Durga Nandan

Jul 19, 2012

2 Minutes of my Life.

"Oh! How I love thee!" I stared into those big brown eyes and thought. A smile, encompassing all grace, was pulling me towards her. I leaned on to the counter to get a closer look.
A bell rang somewhere in the distant present. Oh! I realized that my class will resume in a minute.
Knowing that I can see her later too, I turned and walked away from the mirror.

Jul 9, 2012

You know this burning feeling inside that KEEPS asking you to do something?
That bugging feeling?
I am suffering from that now.
A nagging feeling that wont stop.
When it is too much, I will run and do it. Just go do whatever it takes.

And then, nothing can stop me. I am waiting for that moment.

Jul 4, 2012

Jun 15, 2012

More.

So, MBA has taken me to where I am now. Education has always been a fascinating area for me. Be it teaching, innovation in it, or if it is just an inspiration out of a small deed. (All the kids mentioned in this post are primary kids. Maximum 4th standard or so.)

Well, I remember, back when I used to teach, I had this kid who was really good at English. It was a rural school and most of the kids drop out there. So, I see this kid who loves reading, but has really no resources to read. And his parents were well to do. But were not aware of what they should do to help him. I do not know if they checked what he was doing during the class hours or after it. Reading seemed to take him to a different world like it used to take me once.
I decided to help him.
I talked his mom into spending money to get him membership in the local library. The next day, the kid comes jumping up and down saying,
Now I can become a journalist.
How so?
I can read a lot now!

That happiness was enough inspiration for me to inspire other kids if I could to help them run behind their dreams.

Another kid, used to paint well. But unfortunately, before he could paint me, I had to come to chennai for my MBA. But he used to love painting. I got him a children's story book with loads of pictures so that he could draw and paint a lot. He was delighted about it that in my class, this naughty little bag of trouble would be the one keeping everyone attentive.

There was this other kid. I never really could contain his enthusiasm. He had this amazing sense of humor that he would crack up anyone at very unexpected moments. This buck toothed kid would sit all harmless and suddenly would say something in the middle of the serious conversation. Everyone would forget everything else for a moment and start laughing.
I do not know if you remember, I had this 'cartoon' in my other blog that showed a kid asking me how many years I have been dieting when I said models diet to extremes in the west to remain slim.
Although he meant no harm, from a grownup, I might have taken offence. From him, I just laughed at the thought. :)

I wished I had figured out some way in my class where he could do something with this talent. One day, an assignment came back to me. It was to write a story about something - I don't remember the topic-. And I read this kid's story and I roll on the floor laughing. (No I am not exaggerating.) That's when I felt he might just want to write stuff and use it well. I made him read the story out for the entire class. Although I could not finish the topic I had intended to, that day, I was pretty satisfied because he was happily strutting around showing off this "pen with basketball cap" for the story. He wore it on his neck every day to class, after that day.

This is what I want to do with lives. Children. May be in a small way. But if I can make a lot of them passionately curious and confident, that is enough motivation for me to continue.
I am still engaging schools and teachers in my current position. But there is this need to do more. A lot more.
It does not feel enough some how.

May 25, 2012

When you find out that you are a misfit where you are, you know you have to move on soon. Or the system will standardize you.

May 3, 2012

Better Late.

Yeah so today, a lady I work with, asked while we walked back home after work,"So, are they searching for you? What is your height?" The out of the blue question was a little unsettling. I was taken aback.
My spontaneous answer was of course the joke I am. Well, like dad said "After 23 years of Co-ed, I am ashamed that you are still single!" "Dont ask me to find a guy for you! Go find one yourself. If you are unsuccessful finding one by the time you are 27, I'll help. But I would rather you find him yourself. Please!"

Yeah, that is my dad. Bonkers in a lot of things. Anyway, by the time I am 27, I think I might have teeth in my nose and nobody will marry me anyway. For one, this height problem is a bit too intense for me. One, I am tall. Two, I dont get attracted to short[-er than me] guys. [No offence meant. Personal choice you know!] After this I just have 25% of the male population to work with. [Well, I even have a theory on it that pisses off most men I meet who are shorter.] Adding to that my educational requirements and family stuff, I dont get many men to even choose from. -I am very particular about education and family when it comes to 'noticing' a guy.- My emotions come wayyy later. So that leaves what? A mere 5-6% of male population? Wonder how many of that are Indians, let alone Mallus.

And then, I see every one of my peers getting married left right center one by one and my ego raises up a small hell in my head. I also get random committed fill in the blankses telling me about how it is not because am not good looking that am single but cos men are  intelligent. -Thanks a lot for that ego boost!- Not that I really take it to heart but I could use some encouragement if am gonna find the guy myself!

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and he asked me what I thought kept a relationship going. I personally think it is commitment. I am sure you all have different answers to that. His was 'love'. Well, I am sure when my mom and dad married, they were two strangers who just decided to commit to each other. Or their families did, I should say. So, if their relationship lasted through those initial times when they were still getting to know each other, it was the commitment the families and individuals had given to each other. Not love. Obviously that came later into the picture. And I personally want my relationship to have commitment more than love. Love can come later. Commitment should be there from moment one.

Yesterday again another one asked me "Should nt you have a guy to look after you soon?" Well, looking after part, I will do that myself. I am woman who wants to be self reliant as much as and as long as possible.
I want someone I can be myself with. Someone who will know all of my imperfections and still wanna be with me all the same. As I said long back someone I wont get bored on a 3 day bus journey with. Someone I wanna spend my retired life with.

May be a lot of my concepts about life and love will come across to you as not normal or not girlish. But I am different. My choices are different. May be it is a bit too "impractical" to some too. This is me.

PS- Men out there with some kinda crush for me, lemme know. Men who already got a red signal, please dont try again. It was red for a reason. :)
PPS- Well this was written on account of a missed opportunity. The right thing at the right time.
PPPS- Wherever you are, I am gonna murder you the first thing cos you kept me waiting this long! :-|

Love,
DN :)

May 2, 2012

One day, my random thoughts will die. And I will die with them.
They are me. I am them.

Apr 23, 2012

Roll Over...

Roll over and tell me why you cried yesterday.
Roll over and let me make it a better day.
Sometimes those tears are straight from heart
And those hurt me more than a million darts.

 Roll over and hug me tight.
Let your day be shining bright.
If my words have at all hurt you,
Lemme say I really didnt even mean to.

 Roll over babe, just let it be.
For all the men you ever was glad to leave,
Past is gone and the day is young.
Let all this stay and lets see what it brings. :)

Apr 20, 2012

Some times, a land of pain could be a land of opportunities... :)
Cheerz!

Apr 13, 2012

Family Matters...

As soon as I reach home for vacations, mom starts off with her "Change-jo-back-to-the-traditional-child-that-left-thrissur" plan. It all starts with her scrutiny as soon as she sees me.
"You! Your hair is shorter. Did you cut it again?"
"Your top, I dont like it. You better not wear it in front of me."
She had made me delete all my Farewell pics because she thought the dress was shorter than what she would allow me to wear.
"You spent 2k on that?? Remove it, burn it and only then come home."
"Yes mom!"

Yeah I knew it was a bad decision when I let dad be my friend on FB. But wth, my cousins were on his friend's list and I was not. I was jealous. :P

"Your hair is more coir than hair."
"Come here! Lemme oil it." And then a bucket of coconut oil she has prepared with all 30 herbs she has gotten hold of, is poured on to my hair.
And a good massage ensues.
"You are not getting out of my house like that. You wear a churidar and go!"
"Yes mom!"
"You! How come this skirt I got for you is this short?!"
"Mom this is a skirt I have been wearing from 5th standard. The skirt has not grown with me."
"Still..."

"You get a lot of smses!"
"Yeah. Call rates on roaming are very high."
"Guys?"
"Some"
Curious look. Knowing what it means,
"Mom! Seriously, if I found someone you would know. And you know how difficult it is for me to like someone..."
"Yeah..." Trails off happily.

"Why do you have to wear heels? You are tall"
"Mom, Its just 2 inches!"
"Still..."

"You have gained weight."
"It is ok mom.."
"It is not. All that junk food.."
"Mom!"
"I dont approve of your eating habits."
"..."
"You were a veggie. Remember?"
"..."
"Now you eat KFC, EFC and all other FCs.."
"..."
"It is all hormones. Dont eat it!"
"It is tasty mom!"
"A lot of things are tasty."
"..."
"You will gain more if you keep eating like this. Reduce!"
"Mom, I look fine!"
"But you wont, if you keep eating like this!"
And it goes on..

After mom's week long struggle, I look like a proper mallu girl, all adorned with "Ocimum Sanctum" on my hair and "lass-iness" in my looks.
Dad approves with a nod.
"Presentable!"

And then time comes to leave..
"Damn I gotta leave these people.." All I can think. I will miss these bugging " You this, you thats.."
I know two weeks into Chennai I will be back to that alien that visited my family at the start of the week. But still.. That probably is only a reason I make up so that I get all this "You this, you that" pampering the next time I come..
And that approval nod from dad...

Tomorrow I am going back to Chennai, the hot oven. No one to pamper. No one to come back home to. Will miss them badly. D@mn!

Mar 15, 2012

There is only so much a human can do. Only "so" tiny much.

Mar 13, 2012

Dedicated to a nice human being I met recently...

അറിയാതെ ആണെങ്കിലും
ഒരു നനവിലെ നിനവായി,
നീ അരികിലെത്തുന്നതും
കാത്തിരിക്കുന്നതും
പിന്നെ,
കൈ കോര്‍ക്കുന്നതും കാത്തു,
പല നാളില്‍ ഒരു രാവില്‍,
പതിനെട്ടു പടിവാതില്‍,
കടന്നു ഞാന്‍ കാത്ത്തിരുന്നെന്റെ
 കവിളിലെ നൊമ്പരം
മായ്ക്കുവാന്‍ വരുകില്ലേ?

ഇനിയുമെഴുതുവാന്‍ കഴിവില്ല അറിയില്ല,
മനസ്സിലെ താളുകള്‍ നനഞ്ഞുപോയി മിഴിനീരാല്‍.... 
മറയാതെ ഒഴിയാതെ ഒരുപാട് നാളുകള്‍
അരികില്‍ നീ ഉരുവായതോര്‍ക്കുമ്പോള്‍....,.
മറയുവാന്‍ തുടങ്ങുമാ
ആദിത്യ ശോഭ-തന്‍ 
വെള്ളിവെളിച്ചത്തില്‍ ഈ ചന്ദ്രിക
ഒരു നൂറു ജന്മം കഴിഞ്ഞെങ്കില്‍, ജ്വലിചെങ്കില്‍....
ഒരു നൂറു ജന്മം ഞാന്‍ ജനിചെങ്കില്‍, ജ്വലിചെങ്കില്‍.........,...

Mar 9, 2012

I'll miss you when you finally leave and everything gets over...

Mar 7, 2012

പ്രണയിക്കണം. എന്നിട്ട് മാത്രമേ മരിക്ക്യാവു. അതാണ് അതിന്ടെ ഒരു ഭംഗി! 

Feb 26, 2012

Infatuations, ammunitions..
Creative bast*rds and the situations.
Hard rock and neck chokes.
Ask me why I have written this here!

They are my own thoughts.
Not a poem.
They swim in my boats,
every bit random.

So, sexy b*tches,
with all riches
looking for a fling,
bickering all in!

Goatees and head bangs
literally all far !
Symbols and clangs
come lets go to the bar.

Hypocrites and back bites,
they will always find traits,
that feels not right
to them and their minds.

A poem I wrote as myself and not Durga after a night of rock band performances. I have not much idea why I wrote this, as usual. But it was I and not Durga who wrote it. So creativity may not be a great factor here.
I dont even know if it makes any sense. Or whether it is complete. But then, most of my random thoughts are random and incomplete. Good day to you all!

PS- I have this killing urge to travel and write. Even with all my spontaneity, some factors do hold me back from doing whatever I like. Soon, I will overcome all that. All in time. All in time...

Feb 22, 2012

Some Respect Please!!!

Have a little bit of respect for that woman who balances everything in life for you, for your family. She gets up in the morning cooks and readies you for your day, rushes with you to start her own. Then getting to her office, works there and tries to bring her own ambitions and dreams to come true. Comes back, tends to you again and your needs and falls on to the bed at night all worn out, but satisfied about what she did that day and with a smile.
She is your mother, you wife, your sister, your daughter. Give her some respect.

Instead of wondering why she is not taking care of you more,
Instead of wondering why she has not given you more time [ She has 24 hours a day too :) Forgot? ]
Or blaming her for everything that goes wrong,
Or thinking a mistake makes the whole past a wrong.

Give her some space. She has a life. She cares for you. But 24*7 she cannot keep sending you signals of that. She might also need some peace and lone time some times. Give it to her. After all, when you need her she is always there.

She is working so that the whole family does not know the pinch. Not because she wants to be away from her family. Or from her kids. Give her that credit. She takes cares of the kids, the husband, parents and finally herself. Because it happens every day, dont close your eyes and get used to it. It happens because she puts efforts for it.

If you think she is not doing enough, go jump. You would not be able to do half the things you do today, the way you do it, if not for her. Got it? So start giving a damn!
Days and nights will still pass by. And the sun and moon chase. Is there anything else happening in the world? I donno. And I dont think I care now.

Feb 1, 2012

Cancer

ഇന്നേക്ക് അദ്ദേഹം പോയിട്ട് 7 വര്ഷം ആയി. ഇരട്ട കുട്ടികളെ കയ്യില്‍ എടുത്തു നടക്കുന്ന കാലത്ത് പോയതാണ്. പിന്നെ ഈ ഏഴു വര്ഷം ഞാന്‍ അനുഭവിച്ച വേദനകളും യാതനകളും.. നിങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് ഒരു പക്ഷെ ഇതൊക്കെ ഒരു exaggeration ആയി തോന്നാം. അതിനെ പറ്റി ഒന്നും ഞാന്‍ ഇപ്പോള്‍ പറയുന്നില്ല. ഈ ജന്മം പാഴായി. ആ ഓര്‍മ്മകള്‍ എനിക്ക് കൂട്ടായി, ഈ ജന്മം മുഴുവന്‍ ഉണ്ടാകും എന്ന് കരുതുന്നു.

ഞങ്ങള്‍ പ്രേമിച്ചാണ് വിവാഹം കഴിച്ചത്. ഒരുപാട് എതിര്‍പ്പുകളെ എതിര്‍ത്ത് കൊണ്ട്. എന്നെ അദ്ദേഹത്തിന് ജീവന്‍ ആയിരുന്നു. ഇപ്പോള്‍....... ... ...
കാന്‍സര്‍ ആണെന്ന കാര്യം ആദ്യം ഞാന്‍ അറിഞ്ഞിരുന്നില്ല. ഒരുപാട് കാലം എന്നില്‍ നിന്നും അദ്ദേഹം അത് മറച്ചു വച്ചു. ഒരു ദിവസം ഫോണില്‍ സംസാരിക്കുന്നത് കേട്ടിട്ടാണ് ഞാന്‍ അറിഞ്ഞത്. കേട്ട ഉടനെ നേരാണോ എന്ന് ചോദിച്ചു. മൌനം സമ്മതം എന്നാണല്ലോ!
ആ മൌനം പിന്നീടൊരിക്കലും മാഞ്ഞില്ല.

എന്റെ അടുത്ത് നിന്നും പോകുവോളം. ആ സ്നേഹം മായുവോളം.
അദ്ദേഹം ആ പൂതനയുടെ കാന്‍സറിനു അടിപ്പെട്ടു. ഇപ്പോള്‍ അവര്‍ കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചു ജീവിക്കുന്നു. ഞാന്‍ ഈ ഓര്‍മ്മകള്‍ക്ക് വേണ്ടിയും!

Jan 29, 2012

Jan 26, 2012

വീണ്ടും മലയാളം. ല്ലേ?
ഇതാണ്. എനിക്ക് ഇംഗ്ലീഷില്‍ കരയാന്‍ മാത്രം അറിയില്ല. അതിനു അമ്മയുടെ നാക്കില്‍ നിന്ന്നു കേട്ട് പഠിച്ച മലയാളം തന്നെ ശരണം. ഇടക്കെ മലയാളത്തില്‍ എഴുതാന്‍ ആശ വരും. വായില്‍ തോന്നിയതെല്ലാം എഴുത്തും. ഒരു രസം.
ഒരിക്കലും തിരിച്ചു വായിക്കുമ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ ആണോ എഴുതിയത് എന്ന് ഒറപ്പിക്കാന്‍ സാധിക്കാറില്ല. വേറെ ആരോ എഴുതിയ പോലെ.
വികാരങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് ദേവഭാഷ വശമുണ്ട്. അല്ലെങ്കില്‍ മര്‍ത്യയായ എനിക്കെന്തുകൊണ്ട്‌ പിന്നീട് അത് മനസിലാവാതെ പോകുന്നു!
എന്ത് കൊണ്ട് എഴുതി? ആരെ, എന്തിനെ വിചാരിചെഴുതി?
അര്‍ഥം എന്ത്? ആഴം എന്ത്?

മനുഷ്യന്ടെ മനസ്സ് മാത്രം ഇന്നും എന്ത് കൊണ്ട് ആര്‍ക്കും പിടി കൊടുക്കാതെ പോകുന്നു? എല്ലാം അളക്കാന്‍ സാധിക്കും എന്ന് വെല്ലു വിളിക്കുന്ന ശാസ്ത്രത്തിനു എന്തുകൊണ്ട് പ്രണയത്തെ, വികാരങ്ങളെ, മോഹങ്ങളേ, മനസ്സിന്ടെ ആഴത്തെ അളക്കാന്‍ സാധിക്കാതെ വരുന്നു?
വൈശാലി ജ്വലിപ്പിക്കും അഗ്നിയെതാണ്?

അറിയില്ല. ആര്‍ക്കും.
പ്രണയത്തിനു ഒരു നിറം ഉണ്ടെങ്കില്‍ അത് ചുവപ്പാണ്. ഇളം ചുവപ്പ് നിറം.
ഒരു പുഞ്ചിരിയുടെ നിറം.. അറിയില്ല. സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ നിറം ആയിരിക്കണം.
ഒരു വണ്ട്‌ പോലെ.. എവ്ടെയോക്കെയോ അലഞ്ഞു ഞാന്‍ വന്നിരിക്കും പൂവിന്‍ടെ നിറം... അറിയില്ല. ഇത് വരെ ഇരിക്കാന്‍ പൂകള്‍ കിട്ടുമ്പോഴേക്കും അവയെല്ലാം വാടുകയായിരുന്നു പതിവ്.

അകലെ ഒരു പൂവ് കാണുന്നുണ്ട്. എന്നാലും മോഹം മാത്രമേ ഉള്ളു. ഈ പൂവും വാടാനുള്ളതാണ്. മറ്റുള്ളവയെ പോലെ തന്നെ. അല്ലെങ്കിലും മ്മ്മ്മ്മ്മം... ന്നു മൂളി നടക്കുന്ന വണ്ടിനെ ഏതു പൂവാ അടുക്കാന്‍ സമ്മതിക്കാ?

വരണ്ടിരിക്കുന്ന തീരതിന്ടെ അടുക്കല്‍ വരുന്ന കടലിനെ പോലെ..
മിണ്ടാതെ മിണ്ടുന്ന കണ്ണുകളെ പോലെ..
ഈ വണ്ടിനും പ്രണയത്തിന്ടെ നിറം കാണാന്‍ യോഗം കാണുമായിരിക്കും...
ഇളം ചുവന്ന മിടിക്കുന്ന ഹൃദയതിന്ടെ നിറം.

ശ്രുതി നേരെയാക്കാന്‍ ശ്രമിച്ചു കൊണ്ട് വീണ്ടും വീണ്ടും പെയ്യുന്ന മഴയെ പോലെ... 
നാഥനെ തിരഞ്ഞലഞ്ഞു പറക്കുന്ന കാറ്റിനെ പോലെ...
എന്നും തന്റെ പ്രിയതമയെ കാണുവാന്‍ ഉദിച്ചു ഉണരുന്ന സുര്യനെ പോലെ..
കാണുമ്പോള്‍ ഉള്ള കുങ്കുമ കവിളിലെ നാണവും..
വിരല്‍ തൊടുമ്പോള്‍ വിറയ്ക്കുന്ന മൃദുവായി കരയുന്ന നവ വധുവും..
ഈ ച്ചുവപ്പിന്ടെ വര്‍ണ്ണ ആരോഹണ- അവരോഹണങ്ങള്‍ ആണ്.
അതില്‍ എവടെ ഒക്കെയോ... പ്രണയത്തിന്ടെ ഇളം ചുവപ്പോളിഞ്ഞു കിടക്കുന്നു. ആ ച്ചുവപ്പിന്ടെ ലാന്ചനയില്‍ ഒരു നിമിഷമെങ്കിലും അലിഞ്ഞലിഞ്ഞു ഇല്ലാതാവാന്‍.....................

ഒരു മായാ മയുരം പോലെ.. അകലെ അകലെ.. നൃത്തലോലമായി ആടുന്ന മരുപ്പച്ച മാത്രം. തേടി നടന്നു അലഞ്ഞലഞ്ഞില്ലാതെ ആവും..

ഒരിക്കലും കാണാത്ത ചുവപ്പ് നിറം തേടിയുള്ള അലച്ചില്‍......
ചിലര്‍ക്ക് അതിനെ യോഗം കാണു. ചിലര്‍ക്ക് മാത്രം. :)

Jan 23, 2012

Sometimes, a moment of truth makes life much more easier.

Once you realize your parents mean only good for you, once you realize how much ever you fight with your sibling, you ll love her, once you realize who your real friends are, once you realize God has a plan for you..

That is when you know you should relax more :)

Jan 19, 2012

Things I learned about men and mallus from my search...


  1. .it all wrong. The stone does not have the high probability to hit a mallu when you throw a stone there like they say.You pick a bloody stone to throw at someone, it will brush on some mallu on the way up from the ground. Mallus actually outnumber the "Gulf" native population there. 
  2. Men are shallow. Looks matter. And they cant do nothing about it.
  3. Most mallus are bad at English. Bad is a pathetic word to describe it. They suck at it.
  4. Jobless people register in Matrimony sites more than the ones that are serious.
  5. I learned that names could turn me off. The names parents put for men! Most mallus name their kids adding the 26 alphabets in front of -ini, -icy, -idy, -imy for girls and -ibin, -idin, -icin, -imin for guys. Sick.
  6. I actually found a 'civil servant' who 'welds and xrays' in the 'gulf'. Good going!
  7. I have a big evil grin on my face when I see some profiles. "I even know Tamil, as my dad is from Chennai." So what? Big deal. "I know Tamil even though my dad is NOT from Chennai. :P I have speculated whether I should give him hard lawyering. I do that. Just to make people go crazy at my arguments. "So what?" would definitely have been a good start. ;)
  8. Another fellow had a partner preference where he didnt have a problem with the girl being taller or older. He was 6ft himself. :P
  9. Men are scared of pushing the 'decline' button. Most of them just keep things hanging cos they never know how to say no. But I declined like 7 people in my second login.
  10. People think "godfearing" is a damn selling point. God fearing? Really? Why do you fear it if it is good? If it is bad, why are you beneath it? I think they need to understand that God can only be loved and not feared.
So, all this search stuff started in January, when I decided its high time I got a guy for myself. Yeah, it was a sudden decision like most of my life decisions. So, I decide to register on m4marry, which was the first choice given that am a Mallu. Well, we mallus think that if manorama does not have it, there is nobody in the world. So, I register and start searching. If one guy was tall, he would be less educated. If someone was educated, he would be short or had a bad English. Yeah, bad English turns me off like hell. So does stupid names. Ini, Mini, Kini. bla bla.
So, I sent a request to some profiles I thought was ok. And the day after, I got my first rejection. From a guy who was ok with everything until he saw my pic. Yeah, shallow fish in the deep pond. Me being one too. Then I thought, if he cared so much about looks, it is better I dont marry him anyway. But yeah, it kinda hurt my ego a bit. Amma was informed and asked permission from after I became active in the profile. Well, after all, my parents should help. Mom asked me to go ahead and search. She kinda knew my demands kinda would make her search futile. And yeah, there was a question of "What? You have not found someone already?" which kinda made me feel like an idiot, god knows why.
Then I realize that m4marry has bad bad bad site ergonomics. You go crazy if you log in. So, I go register in keralamatrimony too. The site was more user friendly but had no messaging capabilities. Now, if you wanna browse peacefully, this is the place for you. But if you want more mallus around, m4marry is the place. So, I collaborated the messaging of m4marry and ergonomics of keralamatrimony. Would redirect people to either sites to get stuff done.

Long time later wala update:
Ah the pleasure of browsing and crapping on people! You should enjoy that even if you don't enjoy searching. Good luck people!

Cheerz!
DN




Jan 8, 2012

Jan 4, 2012

Mashed Potatoes

The other day I realized that sometimes the smallest replies can leave you overwhelmed for long.
I was talking to this friend of mine and suddenly, out of the blue, for a stupid question of mine, he said a single letter and it felt like I was called an angel again. No I am not an angel. If anything, I am that li'l devil who is interning under Lucifer himself. But, for a moment, that single letter gave me wings. [OK, Redbull does that too.] And I could not speak for a long time.
It reminded me, li'l things do make more impact than all those blah blah that happens in life.

Three more months and I have to lose my student status for some time. Yeah I plan to study more. Not cos am really good at it, but cos I just want to. It goes hand in hand with what I wanna do later in life. I wonder how these 3 months are gonna go. Would it be fun? Or normal? Hope its gonna be fun... Censored for better PR.


Yesterday night was a terrible one. I usually sit up late and do crap. But then, I have my right to do crap at late night. Yesterday, one guy who has been behind me for like a long long time, [No I dont usually get this attention part of life. But when I do, it is like I have to hide till the guy leaves a 100m vicinity] so, this guy, he comes online and catches me with a 'hi'. And by the end of the conversation, he was making me pull out hair by acting like a cry baby cos I was saying no. And acting like a dumbo by not understanding I dont wanna talk to him. I do not know how many times I said good night and ONO [which for him specifically means 'get lost!' ] but he still would not get a clue.
It reached a point when the cry baby actually said it was the last chat we ever had cos I was not accepting him. But then, 5 minutes of silence -where I thought I am finally bestowed with peace- later, "So you would not mind me not talking to you forever?"

 I tried being civil to him. Really did. But then finally I just signed OUT! And hid myself as invisible. He is a -distant- family friend so cant really be uncivil. Families meet off and on. And yeah in the mean time he had threatened me with this bullshit about wanting to give a reply to his family. Blah! Really? That is your effing headache! I got nothing to do with it.

Anyway, today has been a comparatively easier day. He didnt buzz me and I didnt have to be offline/invi just to ward him off.

All my friends are getting married and engaged and committed left right center. Some (Most) of em have kids or are carrying! And I still have not found a good enough guy. The 75% rule deletes 3/4th of the male population from India and my list. And the rest 25%, decides to be either dumb or not ambitious or ill mannered when they meet and talk to me. Wonder where that unfortunate fella is who would have to bear me for yeeeeeears :) I hope I dont do a 27 dresses thingy in life. Could be some kind of a record if I broke that one. :P

PS- Note to the Fella out there: Beware! You are gonna get beaten up badly when we finally meet cos you were making me wait so long. ;)